13.16 Scoobynatural (transcript)
(Dean is fighting a giant green dinosaur plushie in a pawn shop)
(Sam jumps in and tackles the dinosaur to the ground. Dean runs over and pours a liquid on the dinosaur while Sam is holding him down)
DEAN: Holy oil!
(to Sam) Okay, move!
(Dean drops a lighter on the dinosaur. The dinosaur roars and thrashes on the ground as it starts to burn. After several seconds it explodes, raining costume parts and stuffing all over the store)
Pfft. (blowing his hair out of his eyes)
SHOP OWNER (coming up from where he was hiding behind the store counter behind Sam and Dean and the dinosaur): Is it over?
SAM: Yeah. Yes. Uh, sorry about the mess.
SHOP OWNER: You boys just took down an evil plushie that was trying to kill me. We're all good.
(A man walks into the shop, calling out)
MAN: Alan? Everything okay in here?
ALAN (stepping in front of the man to stop his walking further into the shop): Oh, uh, hey, Jay.
JAY: I heard the ruckus next door, and I... What in the...What... holy heck?
(Jay looks around at all the stuffing on the floor)
SAM: It -- it was a-a...
JAY: Did they do this?
SAM: No. Naw, it was a... Defective product. Yeah, sometimes the batteries in these...giant stuffed dinosaurs just explode.
DEAN (chuckling): Yeah, never buy anything from Mooselyvania.
SAM: Mm. Exactly.
JAY (skeptically): Okay.
ALAN: Uh, guys, this is Jay. He's the big man around this neighborhood. Owns practically the whole damn thing -- the Chinese joint, the laundromat.
SAM: Great. Great, great, great. Yeah, that's very cool. Can you guys give us a second?
DEAN (to Sam): Nice cover.
SAM: What the hell was that? I mean, we rolled into town because people were seeing a lizard monster. And yes, we tracked it back here, but no way did I think we'd end up --
DEAN: Killing Barney?
DEAN (grinning): Was pretty satisfying, though, wasn't it? Probably just a cursed object.
SAM: Well, it didn't act like a cursed object. We should probably do some digging.
(Jay pops up suddenly next to Sam and Dean)
JAY: Everything all right?
(The three eye each other suspiciously)
DEAN: Yeah. Yeah, great.
SAM: Yeah. Uh, we were just gonna head out.
ALAN: Oh, hold up. You boys saved my life.
(gestures around the store)
Anything you want, it's yours.
SAM: We could never. We're -- we're just happy we could help.
DEAN: Wait. Uh...anything?
ALAN (holds his arms out): Hmm.
(Dean leans forward and looks around the store. Scene change to Sam and Dean carrying a large television out of the store, walking past Jay as they reach the door)
SAM: Dean, this is ridiculous.
DEAN: Look, giving us this made him feel good, okay?
SAM: Yeah, where are you gonna put this? You...
DEAN: I'm the good guy.
(getting annoyed) Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Take it easy!
DEAN: She's delicate!
DEAN: Go that way. I'll lead.
SAM: Yeah. Dean...
SAM: Dude, watch out.
(Scene changes to Sam reading a book in the Bunker. Dean walks into the room behind Sam)
DEAN: Hey, what are you doin'?
SAM: Uh, research.
SAM: You know, it's the strangest thing. I-I can't find anything on a-a cursed object that actually physically attacks people.
DEAN: Dude, it's over. All right? Be like Elsa -- Let it go.
(Sam turns around in his chair and looks at Dean incredulously)
SAM: "Be like Elsa"?
DEAN (nodding): Ah? Right? Come here. I need to show you something. It's important. Come on.
(Scene change to Sam and Dean entering a dark room)
DEAN: Behold (Dean turns on the light) ... the Dean-cave. Or Fortress of Dean-a-tude. Just -- still trying to figure that one out.
(Dean walks Sam through the room, pointing out all the 'amenities')
DEAN: We got Foosball. We've got jukebox -- all vinyl, obviously. Double La-Z-Boy recliners. And, of course, the bar. Still a work-in-progress. It's gonna have a kegerator because...Well, it's gonna. And finally... the pièce de résistance.
(Dean points a remote at the television from the pawn shop)
SAM: Okay, hold on, hold on. When did you have time to do all this?
DEAN: When it's important, you make time, Sammy.
DEAN: Let's give this bad boy a test run, huh?
♪ Dun, dun ♪
♪ Dun... ♪
(Dean turns the television on. Purple sparks emanate from it and there is a purple swirling pattern on the screen.)
♪ Dun, Na! ♪
SAM: What the hell?
(A purple beam shoots out of the screen, engulfing them. The boys disappear, and the purple beam drops them into the woods at night, in an alternate, cartoon universe)
SAM (looking around): Dean? What just...
(Sam and Dean look at each other simultaneously)
SAM: Aah! DEAN: Aah!
SAM: You're a cartoon! DEAN: You're a cartoon!
DEAN: I'm a cartoon! SAM: I'm a cartoon!
SAM: Uh, is -- is this...Okay, okay, okay. This is dream. It's gotta be a --
(Dean slaps Sam across the face, leaving a huge handprint on his face)
(Sam shakes his head and his face goes back to normal)
DEAN: It's not a dream. Holy crap.
SAM: This is, uh... You saw that light. Did we just get sucked into the TV?
DEAN: Or maybe this is an angel thing. Or -- or the Trickster.
SAM: No, he's dead.
DEAN: Or is he?
SAM: Dean, what the hell?
DEAN: I don't know, Sam. I...
(Dean looks off, past Sam)
(The Impala is parked in a clearing nearby)
SAM: Uh...How did the car get here?
DEAN: I had the keys in my pocket? Or maybe -- Wait, seriously? That's what's bumping you about this? Okay, look, are we animated? Yes. Is it weird? Yes.
SAM: It's beyond weird.
DEAN: Well, and "beyond weird" is kind of our thing. So whatever happened, we'll figure it out. This is a case, so let's work it.
DEAN: Same as always. We drive.
(The Impala drives down the road as rock music plays, pulling up in front of a malt shop)
SAM: A malt shop. Really?
DEAN: Look, let's just head in, ask around, see what we can see.
(Dean leans forward and looks out of the window, past Sam)
DEAN: Oh, my God.
SAM: (stammering): That -- that -- that --that's, uh, that's...
DEAN (excitedly): That's the Mystery Machine. We're not just in any cartoon.
SAM: We're in Scooby-Doo!
(Sam and Dean walk into the malt shop and look around. Daphne, Fred, Velma, and Shaggy are dancing)
DEAN: Oh! That's the freakin' Scooby Gang!
(Scooby Doo is at a table slurping down an entire milkshake)
SAM: Great. So we're stuck in a cartoon with a talking dog.
DEAN: Not just any talking dog, the talking dog. The greatest talking dog in history. Now come on! Dibs on Daphne.
(The music ends and the Scooby Gang leaves the dance area)
DAPHNE: Jeepers! Those sure were some super groovy tunes.
DEAN: Oh, man. This is like a dream come true.
SAM: Your dream is to hang out with the Scooby Gang?
DEAN: Sam, growing up on the road, no matter where Dad dragged us, no matter what we did, there was always a TV. And you know what was always on that TV? Scooby and the Gang. These guys, they're our friggin' role models, man. Except Fred. He's a wad.
DEAN: Just think about it -- we do the same thing. We go to spooky places, we solve mysteries, we fight ghosts.
SAM: Yeah, except our ghosts don't wear masks, and we don't have a talking dog.
DEAN: I don't know. I mean, Cass is kind of like a talking dog. Now, how do I look?
(Dean approaches the table where the gang is sitting, drinking their milkshakes)
DEAN: Uh, uh, I'm Dean. My brother, Sam. Mind if we join you?
(The gang looks at Dean like he's crazy. Them Fred smiles)
FRED: Of course not! There's plenty of room. I'm Fred. This is Velma, Shaggy, Scooby, and --
(Dean grabs Daphne's hand and kisses it)
DEAN: Of course, we know you. You guys are famous.
SHAGGY: Like, the only thing we're famous for is our eating skills.
(Shaggy looks at several pictures on the wall of him and Scooby winning various eating contests)
SCOOBY: Yum, yum, yum.
DEAN: So, looks like you guys are celebrating something?
VELMA: We are!
We just found out that Scooby's been named as one of the heirs to a fortune, left to him by an old Southern colonel.
DAPHNE: Scooby saved him from drowning in a fish pond.
SCOOBY: I'm a hero.
SAM: Okay, okay, but he's dead now, right?
FRED: (hesitantly) Uh, yeah. Uh, cancer.
DEAN: Give us a second.
(Dean gets up and pulls Sam away from the table)
DEAN: Hey, you wanna pull that stick out of your...nether regions and just play along here?
SAM: Play...There are no words in this newspaper, Dean. We should be trying to get out of here and instead, you-you're hanging out with Marmaduke.
DEAN: How dare you!
SAM: And hitting on Daphne, when she's clearly with Fred.
DEAN: She's settling, all right? Oh, Daphne could do so much better. Last time we got zapped into TV, we got out by playing our part. This is probably like that. The gang, they're about to get a mystery.
FRED: I don't know, gang. Sounds like this could be the start of a mystery.
DEAN (walking back to the table): You know, uh, Sam and I are actually mystery solvers, too. Mind if we tag along?
FRED: That sounds like a swell idea. In fact, I think it's high time we hit the road.
SHAGGY: You know what that means?
SHAGGY: Road food! SCOOBY: Road food!
(Shaggy and Scooby start piling up food from the table to make ridiculously large sandwiches)
DEAN: Oh, heck, yes!
(Dean sits next to Scooby and makes a ridiculously large sandwich also. He stuffs the sandwich into his ridiculously large mouth)
DEAN (speaking around the food): Sam! Sam! Look how big my mouth is!
(Outside, the Mystery Machine is idling at a red light outside the malt shop as the Impala pulls up next to it)
FRED: Hey, why don't you guys follow us up to the Colonel's mansion?
DEAN: I don't know, Freddie. I'm not sure Baby can go that slow.
FRED: Well, the Mystery Machine is a lot faster than it looks.
DEAN: Oh, yeah? Well, let's see who can get there first. Or are you...chicken?
FRED: Well, I'm game if you are.
SAM: Hey, why do you hate Fred so much?
DEAN: He thinks he's so cool, with his perfect hair, his can-do attitude, that stupid ascot. Let's do this!
(Fred and Dean rev their engines. The light turns green and the Mystery Machine races away, leaving Sam, Dean, and Baby in a cloud of smoke)
SAM: Did... did you just get beat by a microvan?
DEAN: The light was red! The light...
(yelling and banging on the steering wheel) Fred!
(As the Impala races away from the malt shop a man in an overcoat walks into the street and watches the Impala drive away)
(At the mansion, Sam and Dean pull alongside the Mystery Machine and get out of the car)
DEAN: Look, all I'm saying is that, aerodynamically speaking, there is no way my Baby should lose to...that (pointing to the Mystery Machine). Unless Fred cheated, which he clearly did.
SAM: Dude, get over it.
(Sam and Dean meet up with the Scooby Gang outside a spooky looking mansion)
DEAN: "A Night of Fright is No Delight."
DEAN: That's the episode we're in. I've seen it, like, a million times.
(Inside the mansion, Sam, Dean, and the Scooby Gang and relatives of the Colonel are sitting in a room with a man standing beside a record player on a desk)
MAN: Attention, everybody. As you all know, I am Cosgood Creeps, attorney of the late Colonel Sanders.
(Cosgood puts a briefcase on the desk next to the record player. Sam leans over to Dean as if to say something)
DEAN: Shut up.
COSGOOD CREEPS: My client was a bit odd. His only directions were to play this record for you.
(Cosgood pulls a record out of the briefcase and puts it on the player)
DEAN: Yeah! Classic vinyl.
COLONEL SANDERS: Greetin's, y'all! Cousin Simple, Nephew Norble, Sweet Cousin Maldahyde, Cousin Slicker, and my old friend, Scooby-Doo. You're all gonna receive an equal share of $1 million, providing you spend tonight here in the old family mansion. Oh, one more thing -- the house is haunted.
COLONEL SANDERS: Yes, haunted. And if any of you can't make it through the night, his or her share of my fortune will go to the others. Now good night and pleasant dreams, y'all.
SCOOBY: Oh, boy.
(Cosgood puts the record back in the briefcase and everyone except Sam and Dean leave the room)
SAM: What kind of a weirdo sets all this up? I mean, spend the night in a haunted house for $1 million? That can't be legal.
VELMA: Sam, come on. The house isn't really haunted.
(Sam and Dean turn around to face Velma)
SAM: I'm not --
VELMA: And things like this happen all the time.
SAM: Oh, yeah, maybe in a car--
(Dean slaps his hand over Sam's mouth. Velma walks away and Dean removes his hand)
SAM: Dude, what's wrong with you?
DEAN: They don't know that they're in a...a C-word. And we're not gonna tell 'em about anything. Not where we're from, not about monsters. Nothing. Capiche?
(Dean looks over to the Scooby Gang, standing across the room)
DEAN: They are pure and innocent and good, and we're gonna keep it that way.
SAM: Look, if you've seen this episode, why-why can't we just skip to the end?
DEAN: Well, 'cause sometimes it's about the journey and not the destination.
SAM: Or do you just want more time to try and get with Daphne?
DEAN: Do not ruin this for me!
(Sam and Dean walk out of the room and join the rest of the people who are standing with Cosgood)
COSGOOD: I'll return to the house in the morning to find out which of you remain, if any. (laughs maniacally)
DEAN: Turns out, he's the bad guy.
SAM: You don't say.
COUSIN SIMPLE: Ten o'clock and I suggest we all turn in.
DEAN: So, Daphne... old drafty house.
(Dean walks up to Daphne and places his arm around her shoulders)
DEAN: What say you and I bunk together?
DAPHNE (giggling): Oh, Dean! Boys and girls don't sleep in the same room, silly.
Come on, Velma.
FRED (placing his arm around Dean's shoulders): Guess you're with me, slugger.
(Everyone leaves for their respective bedrooms. Sam, Fred, Scooby, and Shaggy are in their room. Scooby is sitting on the floor shivering in fear)
FRED: Relax, Scooby. We'll spend the night with ya.
Now let's hit the sack.
(Dean enters the room wearing a nightgown and sleeping cap)
SAM: Are you wearing...a nightgown?
DEAN: It's called a sleeping robe. Between you and me, it's freakin' comfortable. It's like I'm wrapped in hugs.
(In the girl's room, Daphne is sitting at a vanity, brushing her hair and Velma is getting into bed)
DAPHNE: So those new guys are kinda groovy.
VELMA: Sure, Dean's all right. But that big lug...What a dummy. "Haunted." Sheesh. Like that's a real thing.
DAPHNE: Oh, nothing. Just...I thought big lugs were kinda your thing.
VELMA: Huh? (blushing) Pssh.
(It is thundering and lightning outside. A ghostly figure is seen walking through the hallway, rattling chains and laughing eerily. It reaches for a doorknob and the scene switches to the Cousin Simple in his room brushing his teeth. The lights start flickering and he can see his breath in the air)
COUSIN SIMPLE: Hmm? Huh?
(He covers his face with a towel and as he wipes down his face he sees the ghost behind him in the mirror. He turns around and the ghost glows purple and raises a knife. The scene switches to Scooby, lying on the bottom of Shaggy’s bed, yawning. He stretches and starts to snore. Across the room, Dean is sitting in a chair, eating a sandwich while Sam stands behind him)
SAM: Is that all you're gonna do? Eat?
DEAN: Relax. In a few minutes, we're gonna find out that Cousin Simple's missing, the Scooby's are gonna think that it's a ghost, but really, it's just the lawyer Cosgood Creeps in disguise.
(Screaming from somewhere in the house)
DEAN: Told ya.
FRED: Come on, gang! Let's check it out!
(They all head out of the room while the girls run out of their room as well. They catch up in Cousin Simple's room. He is lying in his bed. Daphne reaches out and puts a hand on his shoulder and we hear a 'squishy' sound)
DAPHNE: Oh, no!
DEAN: Wait, wait, wait. No, the dummy bodies don't show up until later.
(Sam is kneeling beside the bed)
SAM: Dean, this isn't a dummy. This is blood.
(He holds his hand up to show that it's covered in blood. He pulls the blanket off of Cousin Simple and there are several pools of blood around his body)
SAM: He's -- he's dead. Like -- like, really, actually dead.
DEAN: Son of a bitch.
FRED (happily): Well, gang, it looks like we've got another mystery on our hands.
SAM: Are you kidding me, Fred? Dude, someone's dead. A little respect.
DEAN: Yeah, Fred. He can be such a jerk. (Leaning into Daphne) Right, Daphne?
DAPHNE: Not really.
(Daphne and Fred leave the room)
VELMA (to Shaggy, Scooby, and Sam): We should look for evidence...
VELMA: Like fingerprints or fluids.
(Velma, Shaggy, and Scooby leave the room)
DEAN (grabbing the front of Sam's jacket): Dude, this is not the way things went down in the episode. I remember everything that happened in Scooby-Doo and no one ever got stabbed in the back and ended up in a pool of their own blood.
(They look over to the body that is now covered with the blanket)
SAM: Yeah. Yeah, okay. Um, so, if that guy can die for real in this cartoon, that means we can, too.
DEAN: It doesn't matter if we die. Scooby-Doo could die! And that's not happening, not on my watch. I'd take a bullet for that dog.
(Sam and Dean walk over to the Scooby Gang. The room is dark except for the occasional flash of lightning)
VELMA: There has to be a logical explanation for what's going on.
SHAGGY: Besides a ghost hunting us down to collect an inheritance?
SCOOBY: Yeah, what he said.
DAPHNE: What would a ghost need with money?
VELMA: Precisely. And besides, there's no such thing as ghosts.
(As Velma is talking she walks around the room. As she passes a large window, a lightning flash illuminates the outside and shows a man approaching the window. As he gets closer, the wind blows his coat around and Scooby sees him)
VELMA: So once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
(Sam and Dean stand on either side of the window and get ready. As the man pushes open the window, Fred jumps him and pushes him to the side)
(The man gets wrapped up in the curtain and stumbles into the room, eventually falling. Dean runs over and leans over to punch him)
MAN: Uhh! Aah! Uhh!
DEAN: Not today, freak!
(Dean pulls the curtain off the man on the floor. It is Castiel)
SHAGGY: Like, you know this guy?
SAM: Uh, yeah, yeah. He's a -- he's a friend of ours.
DEAN: Castiel, the Scooby Gang.
SHAGGY: Castiel? It sounds like a great Italian pizza place.
CASTIEL: Uh, it's a pleasure to meet you.
SCOOBY: Nice to meet you, too.
CASTIEL: Sam, Dean...this dog is talking.
SAM: Cass, how did you get here?
CASTIEL: Well, I was looking for you at the bunker when...
(Flashback to Castiel in the bunker in the 'real world')
CASTIEL: Sam? Dean? I'm back from Syria with fruit from the Tree of Life. The tree was guarded by a pack of djinn.
(As Castiel is talking he is walking through the bunker)
I killed most of them, bargained with the rest. Think I'm... technically married to their queen now. Hello? Sam?
(As Castiel walks into the Dean-cave, he hears voices)
(In the background): FRED: Hey, why don't you guys follow us up to the Colonel's mansion?
DEAN: I don't know, Freddie. I'm not sure Baby can go that slow.
(Castiel sees the cartoon playing on the television at the scene where Fred and Dean race to the mansion)
FRED: Well, the Mystery Machine is a lot faster than it looks.
DEAN: Oh, yeah? Well, let's see who can get there first.
Or are you...chicken?
FRED: Well, I'm game if you are.
(As Castiel watches, the television starts to flicker with purple light. A purple beam shoots out of the screen towards Castiel and he disappears, his bag of fruit dropping to the floor)
SAM: Hey, why do you hate Fred so much?
DEAN: He thinks he's so cool, with his perfect hair, his can-do attitude, that stupid ascot. Let's do this!
(Back in 'cartoon world')
CASTIEL: I saw purple sparks, then a flash of light, and the next thing I knew, I was in this strange world. I saw you race off...
and I've been trying to catch up ever since.
SAM: You saw purple sparks? Dean, that's like with the killer stuffed dinosaur. And they were both in that pawn shop. Maybe this is all connected.
(Velma walks up to San, Dean, and Castiel)
VELMA: Um, "killer stuffed dinosaur"?
SAM: Oh, I-I didn't mean a real...
DEAN: It's a book we're writing. Yeah, about...killer stuffed dinosaurs. It's called...
CASTIEL: "The Killer Stuffed Dinosaur in Love."
FRED: Huh. Great title.
SCOOBY: Yeah. Great title.
DAPHNE: Well, if he isn't responsible for Cousin Simple's death, who is?
(The lights start to flicker on and off)
SHAGGY: Like, somebody turn up the heat in here, man. It's getting cold.
(A menacing roar is heard throughout the mansion)
(Velma lights an oil lamp and Sam and Den have flashlights. Sam, Dean and the Gang walk through the hallways of the mansion. As they pass an open window, the wind blows through and handprints appear on the glass.)
(A door in the hallway is cracked open, light shines from behind it): No! No! Aah! Oh!
(All the doors slam shut)
(Sam goes to grab the doorknob and a ghostly, purple hand reaches through the door and tries to grab Sam, knocking a flashlight out of his hand. Then the entire ghost materialize through the door)
(Scooby jumps into Shaggy's arms)
(Shaggy and Scooby jump into Castiel's arms)
DEAN: Come on, Sam. We're on.
(Fred runs up between Sam and Dean and jumps at the ghost)
(Fred leaps at the ghost and goes right through him)
(Sam and Dean run towards the ghost and he swipes at them, leaving large claw marks on the wall.)
(Fred tries again to catch him but he disappears through the wall)
FRED: Uhh! Huh?
DEAN: Wait, what?
VELMA: Guys, no. It's not a ghost.
(The lights flicker back on and Castiel drops Scooby and Shaggy to the floor)
SHAGGY: Oh, yeah? Then, man, how did he just walk through that wall?!
VELMA: Well, there's probably a hidden door.
FRED: Well, whatever it was, it's gone now. It looks like he was coming out of here.
(Fred opens a door and they find the dismembered body of Cosgood Creeps in the room)
FRED: Well, that's not good.
DEAN: I think I'm gonna be sick.
FRED: Come on, gang!
(The Gang leaves the room)
SAM: So do they always just walk away from dead bodies or...
DEAN: Sam, the cold spot, fritzing out...that was a ghost -- our kind of ghost. I think this cartoon is haunted.
DEAN: All right, Prepmeister Fred, what's your plan?
FRED: We should all split up and search the house for clues.
CASTIEL: That's a plan?
DEAN (disapprovingly): Mnh-mnh.
SAM: I-I don't think we should separate. It'll be easier for Dean and me to keep you safe if we're all together.
VELMA: Really, Sam? I wouldn't expect such a big, broad-shouldered fella like you to be as chicken as Shaggy.
(Velma places her hand on Sam's shoulder)
VELMA: No offense, Shaggy.
SHAGGY (peeking out from behind a suit of armor that him and Scooby are hiding behind): Like, none taken.
SAM: If this is a real ghost, these guys are in trouble. We can't let anything happen to them.
DEAN: Exactly. So, for now, let's follow ascot boy's lead. (running to Daphne) I call team-up with Daphne!
FRED: Great! It'll be just the three of us.
VELMA: Sam and I will check the attic. I mean...unless you're too scared.
SAM: What? N-no, I-I'm...Let's check the attic.
SHAGGY: Like, man, I guess that leaves me and old Scoob with you, Castiel.
CASTIEL: Wonderful. I once led armies, and now I'm paired with a scruffy Philistine and a talking dog.
(The 'teams' each go a separate way)
VELMA: So I guess this is your first mystery. So if you could keep those giant linebacker shoulders from knocking over any clues, that would be great.
SAM: Why do you keep talking about my shoulders?
VELMA: Oh, I, uh, huh. Uh...
(Sam shines his flashlight on a mannequin and jumps backward, clearly startled. He falls down and a can falls on his head)
VELMA: Maybe that was the ghost.
SAM: Look, I'm not supposed to tell you this, but ghosts are real.
SAM: My brother and I, we hunt them, along with werewolves and vampires and demons and...We've saved the world. A lot.
VELMA (laughing): Look, Sam, the simple fact is monsters are nothing more than crooks in masks -- usually unscrupulous real estate developers.
SAM: One, there are way better real estate scams. And two --
VELMA: Hey, look! A clue.
(Velma shines her flashlight on a toy chest with a stuffed bear, a jack in the box and some blocks sticking out the top. There is black goo all over the box and on the floor in front of it)
VELMA: That's strange.
SAM: That's strange.
VELMA: I guess we both noticed that these toys are the only things up here that aren't covered in dust.
SAM: Actually, I was noticing this. (running his fingers through the goo) Ectoplasm. This gets left behind by ghosts.
VELMA: Oh, stop already. You can't really believe in ghosts.
(The toys start to glow purple, levitate out of the box and hurl themselves at Sam and Velma as they run for the attic door)
SAM: Told you.
VELMA: Aah! It's not a g-- It's probably just Christmas lights and -- and fishing line.
(the door to the attic slams on the toys as Sam and Velma leave)
(Downstairs in the library)
DEAN: So, Daph, I usually don't have to do this, but what do you look for in a guy?
DAPHNE: Oh, I don't know. Strong, sincere, and an ascot wouldn't hurt.
DEAN: Whoa, hold on. Check out that book.
FRED: There are a lot of books in here, Dean.
DEAN: No, that one. The one that isn't painted into the background of the car--Library. The...library.
(Dean pulls on the book)
DEAN: Huh. Sorry. I thought it might be some kind of secret passage or...
(The floor opens and Dean, Fred, and Daphne go hurtling down a slide and end up in a dark room. All that can be seen are their eyes)
DEAN: Whoa! Daphne, you okay? Maybe I should just give you a once-over to make sure.
(Deans 'eyes' walk over to the other set of eyes. Fred turns on the light to find Dean standing next to the ghost. Daphne is next to Fred)
DEAN: AHH! Oh! Oh, hell no.
(Dean, Fred, and Daphne run out of the room with the ghost chasing them)
(Shaggy, Scooby, and Castiel are walking through the mansion)
SHAGGY: Like, did someone open a window?
SCOBBY: Yeah, it's cold in here.
(Shaggy, Scooby and Castiel are walking and the ghost is directly behind them, unnoticed. The ghost starts to growl and the three turn around as the ghost rises up and glows purple. Shaggy and Scooby run leaving Castiel in a cloud of dust as he observes the ghost)
CASTIEL: Never seen a ghost wear such a ridiculous costume.
(Castiel pokes at the ghost and his finger goes through him)
(The ghost rises up menacingly as Shaggy comes back to grab Castiel and run away)
(Shaggy, Scooby, and Castiel are chased by the ghost as the Scooby Doo theme starts to play)
♪ Scooby Dooby Doo, where are you? ♪
♪ We got some work to do now ♪
♪ Scooby Dooby Doo, where are you? ♪
(They run past Dean and Daphne, who is hiding behind Dean. He goes to hug her but comes up empty-handed as she runs off with Fred)
♪ We need some help from you now ♪
♪ Come on, Scooby-Doo, I see you ♪
♪ Pretending you got a sliver ♪
♪ You're not foolin' me 'cause I can't see ♪
♪ The way you shake and shiver ♪
(Sam, Dean, Castiel, the Gang and the ghost end up in a hallway where they run back and forth through the bedrooms and across the hallway going in and out of different rooms in various combinations of people. Even Scrappy Doo makes an appearance. Hmm.)
♪ You know we got a mystery to solve ♪
♪ So, Scooby-Doo, be ready for your act ♪
♪ Don't hold back ♪
♪ And, Scooby-Doo, if you come through ♪
♪ You're gonna have yourself a Scooby Snack ♪
♪ That's a fact! ♪
(The chase heads out of the hallway and into the main part of the house)
♪ Scooby Dooby Doo, here are you ♪
♪ Scooby-Doo ♪
♪ You're ready and you're willin' ♪
♪ Scooby-Doo ♪
♪ If we can count on you, Scooby-Doo ♪
♪ I know we'll catch that villain ♪
(The whole group ends up colliding in a pile in the middle of another hallway. The lights flicker and the ghost comes around the corner. They run into a large room and lock the door)
FRED: We have to stop this ghost.
DAPHNE: We almost did. Dean had him by the thigh.
CASTIEL: He what?
DEAN: I almost caught him. That's the point.
VELMA: Guys, come on. For the last time, there's no such thing as ghosts.
(Velma's breath turns cold and her glasses frost over)
VELMA: Oh, no!
(The lights flicker again as all the windows frost over. There is a banging on the other side of the door. The doors slam open and the ghost is standing there)
VELMA: That costume looks really...real.
FRED: I'll get him.
SAM: Fred, don't!
(Fred again runs towards the ghost and is thrown across the room, hitting a sculpture before falling to the floor)
(Daphne and Velma are levitated off the floor)
(The girls are then pinned against a wall, while still in the air)
DAPHNE & VELMA: Uhh!
SHAGGY: Like, that's our cue to get out of here! Aah! Run!
(Shaggy tries to run but is held in place. Then the ghost flicks his hand and Shaggy is thrown through the window)
(Sam looks around and grabs two large candle holders. He tosses one to Dean)
SAM: Dean! Iron!
(Sam and Dean take the candles out of the holders, toss them aside and hit the ghost with them. The candle holders stick into the ghost's back and purple sparks emanate from its back. As the sparking continues, the ghost shrieks as if in pain and then disappears in a flash of purple light, as the candle holders fall to the floor.
The lights come back on as Fred wakes up and Daphne and Velma fall off the wall towards the floor. Sam and Dean are there to catch them.)
FRED: What just happened?
SCOOBY: Where's Shaggy?
SHAGGY: Over here!
(The gang looks towards the window and see Shaggy hanging from a metal beam from the balcony. The beam is swaying back and forth)
SHAGGY: Like, little help?
(The beam gives way and Shaggy falls towards the ground)
(Scooby runs towards the window and jumps out to grab Shaggy’s foot. Castiel follows him)
SHAGGY: You've got me! Who's got you?!
(Castiel is 'flying' towards Scooby. He grabs Scooby's tail and his coat billows out to form a makeshift parachute. It slows their descent as they crash through a tree and land on the ground)
(Shaggy is laying on the ground, moaning and holding his arm. The remainder of the gang come running outside)
DAPHNE: Shaggy! Are you okay?
SHAGGY: Like, do I look like I'm okay?
CASTIEL: It appears his arm is broken.
SHAGGY: What? That's not -- I have jumped out of a biplane in a museum and was fine! How did this happen?!
FRED: I-I don't know. I...Something threw me across the room.
VELMA: Wires. Probably just wires.
SHAGGY: Like, hello! Broken arm here!
VELMA: Shaggy, brace yourself.
DAPHNE: Uhh! Fred, give me your ascot.
(Daphne makes a sling out of Fred's ascot and her scarf for Shaggy's arm)
SAM: Dean, we have to tell them the truth.
DAPHNE: What truth?
SAM: The truth about the phantom.
DEAN: Look, this phantom isn't like other ghosts you've faced. He's real. He is a real ghost.
SCOOBY GANG: Huh?
FRED: Um, I'm not totally following you.
SAM: Look, that isn't a guy in a mask and a costume. It's a vengeful spirit that's come back from the dead.
DEAN: That's the truth.
VELMA (taking off her glasses): So everything you told me, it's true?
VELMA: Werewolves? Vampires? Demons?
SAM, DEAN, and CASTIEL: Mm-hmm.
VELMA: I thought I was blind without my glasses, but I was just blind. Oh, how could I be so stupid?
SAM: Uh, well, I mean...
FRED: We've been stopping real estate developers when we could've been hunting Dracula?
(Fred bangs his head against a wall)
FRED: Are you kidding me?!
SAM & DEAN: Ooh. Ah. Uh...
FRED: My life is meaningless!
DAPHNE: If there are ghosts... that means there's an afterlife. Heaven. Hell. Am I going to hell?!
SHAGGY: We told you every freaking time! But did you ever listen to Scoob and me? No!
SCOOBY: We're doomed.
DEAN (sternly): All right, knock it off! Come on! Scooby Gang does not have nervous breakdowns. Now you may not have tangled with the supernatural, but you've fought monsters, real freakin' psychos. Well, you stopped Zeke and Zeb. Shaggy figured out that the sharks Old Iron Face rode were really just torpedoes disguised to look like sharks. And what about the Black Knight? Huh? Mamba Wamba?
SAM: The Space Kook.
DEAN: I knew it! You love this show, too.
SAM (shrugging): Mm.
DEAN: Space Kook, Ghost Clown, Miner 49er. You guys have all jumped into danger with no thought for yourselves. You're heroes, and together, we're gonna take down this phantom. Are you with me?
SCOOBY GANG (raising their fists in the air): Yeah!
FRED: Let's do it!
VELMA: But how? We don't know the first thing about fighting real ghosts. We don't have the proper tools or weapons.
SAM: That's okay. We do.
(The gang is standing at the back of the Impala as Dean opens the trunk, showing all their weapons)
SCOOBY GANG: Ooh. Whoa.
SAM: Here, Velma, take this.
(Sam hands Velma a shotgun)
DEAN: Sam, are you crazy? They can't use this stuff. That's a Scooby-don't.
FRED: Dean, we've gotta do something. I mean, you guys are amazing!
DEAN: Thank you, Fred.
FRED: But we can help. We have to.
DEAN: (bleep) right you can. You're gonna do what you do best -- build a trap.
(Inside the mansion, Daphne is laying salt lines)
FRED: Ahh. That should do it.
DEAN: Lay it on me, Freddy.
FRED: Well, you see, Daphne's covered all the exits except that one with salt. So the phantom will enter there, tripping the iron chain that'll activate the ax, which cuts the rope that holds the coconuts.
SAM: Where'd he get coconuts?
FRED: The coconuts are gonna roll, tripping the phantom, sending him careening down a slide of soap, right into the washing machine which we'll secure with those iron chains.
SAM: And with the ghost captured, we can finally find out what's going on.
VELMA: Now all we need...is bait.
(Shaggy, Scooby, and Castiel are tip-toeing through the mansion. Castiel is in the lead, holding a flashlight)
SHAGGY: You think the phantom decided to leave?
CASTIEL: No, it's still here. Don't worry.
SCOOBY: That's what I'm worried about.
(The lights start flickering and Shaggy and Castiel can see their breath)
SCOOBY: Hmm. Mm-hmm?
(Castiel turns around and the ghost is right in his face)
CASTIEL: Aah! Run!
SHAGGY & SCOOBY: Aah!
(The ghost starts to chase them through the mansion. Everything is going according to Fred's plan except Shaggy, Scooby and Castiel end up tripping on the coconuts, going down the slide and get trapped in the washing machine.)
SCOOBY: Shaggy Whoa!
Aah! Whoa! --
(Sam and Dean peek out from behind a stuffed bear where they were watching the action)
SAM: I told you it wasn't going to work.
DEAN: Yeah, Fred's traps never work. (yelling) Daph, Plan B! Operation Bookworm is a go.
(The gang all run in different directions. The ghost, visibly agitated, starts searching for them. He upends a couch in the library and finds Fred, Velma and Daphne hiding behind it)
FRED, DAPHNE & VELMA: Aah!
SHAGGY: Good shot, Scoob old buddy.
(Shaggy is on the balcony looking over the library. Purple sparks emanate from the ghost's back)
SHAGGY: Give him another one.
(The ghost turns toward Shaggy and is hit with a book in the back. He turns around and runs towards Scooby, who is standing next to a bookshelf, holding a pile of books)
DAPHNE: Scooby, now!
(As the ghost approaches, Scooby hands him the pile of books and uses his tail to pull out the 'booby trap book' on the bookshelf. The floor opens up and the ghost slides down the slide into the basement. He finds himself in a circle made of salt. He tries to escape by flying out of the circle but hits an invisible barrier each time).
SAM: That's a salt circle. You're stuck.
DEAN: Happy to, Sparky, soon as you tell us who you really are.
(The ghost tries several more times to escape and then finally, collapses to the floor, morphing into a small boy on the way)
CASTIEL: It's...a child.
DEAN: Yeah, creepy ghost kid. You get used to 'em.
SAM: But...Wait. Why are you trying to kill us?
BOY: I'm not. I never wanted to hurt anyone. But the bad man, he makes me.
CASTIEL: The bad man?
BOY: His name is Jay.
DEAN: The dude from the pawnshop.
BOY: When I died, my soul was tied to a pocketknife.
(As the boy is talking, the scene changes to the pawn shop where Jay is slipping the pocketknife into the back of the dinosaur costume.
BOY: My dad gave it to me. It meant everything. When Jay found me, he used me to...Sometimes, I get so angry I break things, hurt people.
(Flashback to Sam and Dean fighting the dinosaur)
BOY: But I don't want to.
(The boy is now floating in the salt circle, hands wrapped around his knees as if he was siting).
BOY: I just wanna see my dad again.
CASTIEL: I'm sorry. It was wrong of him to do that.
SAM: None of this was your fault.
DEAN: Look, if you get us back to the real world, we can set you free.
BOY: Do you promise?
DEAN: Cross my heart and hope to d-- Well, you know what I mean.
(Dean enters peeks into the room where the Scooby Gang is freaking out)
FRED: Should I -- should I make another trap?
VELMA: I could get the shotgun!
DAPHNE: I could get two shotguns!
SHAGGY: Like, tell Scoob and me when it's over!
(Castiel and Sam join Dean at the door)
DEAN (to the Gang): Okay, okay, hey, give me a minute. We can't leave 'em like this.
(They go back into the room where the boy is)
DEAN: Kid, we need a favor.
(The Scooby Gang pile into the basement)
GANG: Aah! Uhh!
FRED: Did you send it back to the fiery pit from whence it came?!
SAM: Look, everything's under control.
(Sam turns to the ghost in the room, under a blanket and tied with rope)
SCOOBY GANG: Aah! Kill it with fire!
DEAN: Whoa! Slow your roll, guys. We were wrong.
DAPHNE: What -- what are you -- what are you saying?
SAM: Velma...w-was right.
SHAGGY: Like, she was?
SAM: This wasn't a real ghost. We were fooled.
(They walk towards the ghost)
SAM: But you never were, right, Velma?
VELMA: I, uh...I don't know.
DEAN: Hey, guys, do your thing. This is my favorite part.
(Velma and Fred walk over to the ghost. Velma reaches out and pulls its mask off)
SCOOBY GANG: Cosgood Creeps?!
DAPHNE: But...the flying.
SHAGGY: What about the walking through the walls? And the bodies?
SAM: Well, that was just a projector. As for the bodies...
VELMA: Were they...dummies filled with corn syrup?
FRED: Of course! Cosgood was trying to drive everyone from the house so he could get the money for himself.
DEAN: Right. But the joke is on him because the money's worthless.
(Dean opens a suitcase filled with money)
DEAN: It's all Confederate dollars.
SCOOBY: Aw! Oh, well. Easy come easy go.
VELMA (laughing): So... I was right. I told ya, ya big lug. There's no such thing as the supernatural.
SAM: Looks like you were right, and now we know.
(Castiel touches Shaggy's arm from behind and heals it)
SHAGGY (taking off the sling): Hey, my arm's feeling better. Don't think it was really broken after all.
FRED: This is great news! Let's meet at the malt shop and celebrate.
DEAN: Sure, Fred. And hey, you're not so bad.
FRED: Yeah, I know. Thanks.
DEAN: (placing his hand on Daphne's waist) So, uh...I guess this is it.
DAPHNE: This is what?
DEAN (placing his open hand on Daphne's mouth): Shh. No words. We'll never know what could've been.
DAPHNE (running away): Freddy, wait for me!
CASTIEL (hugging Shaggy and Scooby tightly): I will miss your wise words and your gentle spirits.
SHAGGY: Like, we will miss breathing.
CASTIEL: Thank you. You've shown me the great strength of laughter in the face of danger.
SCOOBY: Danger?! Where?! Let's get out of here, man.
(SHAGGY & SCOOBY run away)
SHAGGY: Aah! SCOOBY: Oh!
SAM: Great working with you, Velma.
VELMA: You, too, Sam.
(Velma grabs Sam and dips him into a kiss)
VELMA: Mmm. Mwah. Those shoulders. Jinkies! (she raises her arms triumphantly as she leaves the room)
DEAN: Shoulda known Velma was good to go. Gah! It's always the quiet ones.
(The Scooby Gang walks away, laughing. Sam, Dean, and Castiel are standing around 'Cosgood')
CASTIEL: We're ready.
(Cosgood morphs into the little boy, who is floating in a purple bubble. The boy holds up a hand and Sam, Dean and Castiel touch the bubble. Purple light flashes and they are transported back to the 'Dean-Cave' in the bunker)
SAM: Okay. That was...something.
DEAN: That was the coolest thing that's ever happened to me. And that includes the Cartwright twins.
CASTIEL: What did you do with the Cartwright twins?
DEAN (laughing): Oh. I'll be right back.
SAM: I don't think I wanna know.
(Dean comes back into the room and tosses a blowtorch to Sam while he picks up a sledgehammer)
DEAN: Well, sorry, sweetheart.
(Dean smashes the television, which crashes to the floor. He looks through the broken pieces and pulls out the pocketknife. He tosses it to Sam as the boy materializes in front of them)
DEAN: Time to go, kid.
BOY: What about the bad man?
SAM: Don't worry about him. We'll take care of him, all right?
(Sam places the knife on a metal tray and starts burning it with the blowtorch. The boy goes up in flames and disappears.)
(In the pawn shop, Jay hands some paperwork over to Alan)
JAY: You sure about this?
ALAN: Look, you're gettin' this place for a steal. But...I'm too old for this crap.
JAY: If you say so. Just, uh, two more signatures, and...
(Alan hesitates signing and the door to the shop opens)
DEAN: Not so fast.
ALAN: Is that an ascot?
DEAN: Yes. Yes, it is.
JAY: Uh, what are you guys doing here?
SAM: Hey, Alan, your friend here, he's been driving people off their property so he could buy it on the cheap. And he's been using his own personal ghost to do it. You see, he'd plant the haunted object, then let the ghost go to work.
(Flashback to Jay searching through the dinosaur stuffing until he finds the pocketknife)
DEAN: Then they would possess something, like a big dinosaur or a perfectly beautiful TV.
CASTIEL: And scare people so much that they'd be desperate to sell.
SAM: When we got nosy...
(Flashback to Sam and Dean carrying the television out of the pawn shop)
SAM: I think we should probably keep doing some digging.
JAY: Everything all right?
SAM: Where you gonna put this?...
SAM: He sicced his pet ghost on us.
DEAN: Take it easy!
DEAN: She's delicate, all right?
(Jay, who has been standing at the door, drops the pocketknife into the back of the television as the boys pass)
DEAN: I'll lead.
SAM: Oh, she...Pfft.
"She"? She? Really, she?
CASTIEL (holding up the burned pocketknife): But now, that spirit is freed.
JAY: They're lying. They're... You think anyone's gonna believe that?
SAM: No, but that's why we hacked your financials. Turns out you're not so big on paying your taxes, are ya?
(Police sirens in the background)
DEAN: Good enough for Capone, good enough for you.
(Sam, Dean, and Castiel walk out of the pawn shop)
SAM: Ha! Velma was right. It was a shady real estate developer after all.
(Jay is escorted out in handcuffs by the police.)
COP: Here you go.
JAY: It's not fair. I would've gotten away with it if it wasn't for those meddling kids.
DEAN (excitedly): He said it! He said the line!
COP: Watch your head.
DEAN (in a Scooby voice): Scooby Dooby Doo!
SAM: What are you doing?
DEAN: Well, I mean, at the end of every mystery, Scooby looks into the camera and he says --
CASTIEL: Dean, you're not a talking dog.
DEAN: I know that. I...
DEAN: No, but come on, I-I do look cool with the ascot, right?
Guys? Come on, guys.
Look, red is my color!