10.12 About a Boy (transcript)
Written by: Adam Glass
Directed by: Serge Ladouceur
Air Date: February 3, 2015TEASER
INT. BAR-NIGHT
PENDLETON, OREGON
[A man is getting pushed out of the bar by the BARTENDER. They continue to argue.]
MAN
It wasn’t me, man! I didn’t take it!
[The BARTENDER forcibly pushes him]
BARTENDER
You keep on coming and stealing from me! Huh? Where’s my money?
MAN
It was that—
BARTENDER
Where’s my money? Where’s my money?! You give me my money!
[The BARTENDER pushes him out the back the door. The MAN falls on the pavement.]
BARTENDER
Swear on my mother, J.P., I see your face in here again…I’ll kill you.
[A homeless man by the dumpster over looks the whole fight.]
[J.P stands up.]
J.P.
Like Hell. This is freakin’ America, man. You can’t just –
[The BARTENDER walks back into the bar and closes the door.]
[J.P glares at the homeless man]
What you looking at?
[J.P walks to his car and is jumped from behind by a large man with a scar on his face. The man grabs the hex bag that is hanging from his neck, causing a beam of light to illuminate the parking lot. J.P. screams. The homeless man runs over to the noise and encounters a pile of clothes where J.P. used to stand and looks up at the sky.]
TITLE CARD
ACT ONE
[The scene fades in on DEAN in the Men of Letters Bunker researching on how to extract the Mark of Cain from his arm. James Gang’s, “Ashes, The Rain And I” play in the background during the montage.]
V.O. CROWLEY
After Cain killed Abel, He became a demon.
V.O. CAIN
I felt connected to you right from the beginning. You and I are very much alike. I can give you the mark, Dean, if it’s what you truly want.
V.O. DEAN
But when I kill, I kill for a reason. I’m nothing like Cain.
V.O. CROWLEY
Why are you fighting what you really are?
MUSIC
♫ Sometimes I sit and I stare at the rain. ♫
♫Isn’t rain filled with sorrow? ♫
♫Wonder if I’ll see my home again. ♫
♫Will it be dry tomorrow? ♫
[DEAN is in the library on the computer on a website titled “Scar removal”.]
♫Time passes softly, and I’m a day older. ♫
♫But still I’m living days gone by. ♫
♫Ashes to ashes, the rain’s turning colder. ♫
“ABOUT A BOY”
♫Finding tomorrow, the ashes, the rain and I. ♫
INT. DEANS BEDROOM-DAY
[DEAN is on the floor of his room and is reading a large book with ancient inscriptions written in it.]
[A knock on the door. SAM enters]
SAM
Hey.
DEAN
Hey
SAM
Caught a case.
[SAM hands over a tablet]
Apparently something is taking people.
[DEAN takes the tablet. The screen is on a News site with the title “Mysterious Disappearances Baffle Police”]
And leaving their clothes.
[DEAN enlarges the picture of J.P. on the tablet]
DEAN
Hmm. About time this gig got an “R” rating.
[SAM scoffs]
All right. Why don’t you check it out? I’ll hold down the fort.
SAM
Dean, you haven’t left the bunker in a week.
[DEAN tosses the tablet behind him on the bed.]
DEAN
And?
SAM
And you can’t just live the rest of your life locked up in this room.
DEAN
I don’t know. I got three hots and a cot. Could be worse.
SAM
Look, I know you’re worried about the mark.
DEAN
Yes, Sam. I am. Between what I did to Charlie—
SAM
Charlie forgave you. How about you forgive yourself?
DEAN
Because I’m not exactly batting 1,000 here, you know?
SAM
Yeah, I do know that, but staying locked up in here, sitting on the ground reading the same lore books over and over and over again, it’s not helping you. You need to get back in the game for your own good. You can beat this, Dean.
DEAN
Do you really believe that?
SAM
Yeah, you’re damn right I believe that.
DEAN
You know, you also believed in the Easter bunny till you were 12.
SAM
No I didn’t.
[SAM pauses]
Look, I was 11.
DEAN
And a half.
SAM
And a half. Right.
[SAM sighs]
So?
[DEAN closes the book]
DEAN
Okay.
EXT. BAR – DAY
[SAM and DEAN are outside of the bar in their Fed suits talking to the homeless man]
HOMELESS MAN
And then—then—then there was this bright light, and—bam—the dude’s just gone. Nothing left but, uh…
DEAN
Cheap suit and a pair of florsheims?
HOMELESS MAN
Pretty much.
[DEAN nods.]
SAM
You see anyone else?
HOMELESS MAN
No, sir, officer.
DEAN
And what about, uh, a chill? Or did you smell any rotten eggs?
HOMELESS MAN
What? No, man. Uh… I smelled flowers, though.
SAM
You smelled flowers? What kind of flowers?
HOMELESS MAN
Flowerly Flowers.
SAM
[Annoyed]
Flowerly Flowers.
HOMELESS MAN
Look. We all know what’s [sighs] going on here, okay?
DEAN
[He closes his eyes]
Don’t say it.
HOMELESS MAN
Aliens.
DEAN
He said it.
SAM
Yeah he did.
HOMELESS MAN
Dude was abducted. Believe me, I know. [looking up at the sky] May 2003. Those suckers, they grabbed me, and they probed me everywhere.
DEAN
Okay.
[SAM and DEAN get disgusted looks on their face and begin to walk away from the man.]
SAM
Thanks for your time.
HOMELESS MAN
I’m talking everywhere.
SAM
[Gives him a thumbs up]
Yup.
[Clears his throat]
Okay. Okay.
DEAN
Well, the wheels just came flying off the bus.
SAM
Yeah. No cold spots means it probably wasn’t a ghost.
DEAN
No sulfur means no demons, so that leaves us with what? Couple of little green dudes and a bucket of lube?
SAM
[Scoffs] or fairies. Or…angels.
[They stop walking in front of the bar]
DEAN
Ugh. I’d rather have the little green dudes.
SAM
All right, I’ll go scope out J.P.’s place. You, uh—you ask around inside.
[DEAN gets a very concerned look on his face. SAM notices.]
Or you know what? We don’t have to split up.
DEAN
No, no, no. It’s cool. I can handle a little 20 questions with the locals, okay?
SAM
You sure?
DEAN
Yeah, hey, look, it’s a dive bar. It’s my comfort zone, hmm?
[DEAN dangles the Impala’s car keys in front of SAM.]
SAM
All right.
[SAM grabs the keys]
Good. Great.
[SAM walks past DEAN, patting him on the shoulder. He then proceeds to get in the car. DEAN walks into the bar looking a little nervous. Headwater’s “Only A Matter Of Time” plays in the background.]
INT. BAR - DAY
MUSIC
♫It’s only a matter of time. ♫
♫It’s only a matter of time. ♫
[DEAN walks up to the bar and takes a seat.]
BARTENDER
[Sighs] What can I do you?
DEAN
[Sighs] Screw it. I’m gonna believe in myself.
BARTENDER
Attaboy.
DEAN
Give me something dark and strong. Hey, did you know that guy that went missing – J.P.?
[The BARTENDER pulls out a shot glass and begins to fill it with whiskey. Meanwhile, a woman at the bar overhears DEAN's conversation.]
BARTENDER
Who’s asking?
DEAN
Just an old pal.
BARTENDER
Look, I’m sorry to hear about what happened. But… guy’s a lowlife. That night, I had to kick his ass out of here for stealing my tips. Whatever J.P. got… probably had it coming.
DEAN
Ouch.
You feel that separation.
Will put a stop to all you’ve seen to
[DEAN holds the drink and hesitantly throws it back.]
♫The same old situation♫
♫Through you struggle through life♫
♫In the end, it defeats you♫
[DEAN’s heart is pounding. He touches his arm where the Mark of Cain lies.]
Oooooh
WOMAN
J.P. wasn’t that bad.
DEAN
You knew him?
WOMAN
This isn’t exactly “Cheers,” but yeah.
[DEAN walks over to the woman]
And don’t get me wrong, I would not buy a used car from the guy. [Chuckles] But he was harmless.
DEAN
So, what was his problem?
WOMEN
[Chuckles] What wasn’t? You’re in here getting stunned while the sun’s still up, your life’s a regular Charlie Foxtrot. Trust me.
[A man sitting at the tables in the bar listens in on their conversation.]
DEAN
I’m Dean.
TINA
Tina.
[Dean signals the BARTENDER for two more drinks.]
INT. BAR - NIGHT
[DEAN and TINA have moved from the bar to a table. They’ve been there for a while, drinking, for there are various empty glasses on the table. A waitress drops off two more shots.]
WAITRESS
There you go.
TINA
[Laughs] How do you know the Royale Motel in Scranton?
DEAN
My Dad, me and my bro – we got snowed in there for a week.
TINA
Well, I was there for about three months after my father drank all our money away. Lived on white rice and Tic Tacs until they kicked us out. Good times.
[DEAN chuckles]
DEAN
My Dad was always working, so I came up with about 101 different ways to make macaroni and cheese.
TINA
Serious?
DEAN
Oh, yeah. Now, add ketchup for spice, hmm? Uh, tuna, hot dogs, fluff marshmallow mix.
TINA
Ugh! That sounds disgusting.
DEAN
Yeah, well, my brother thought it was exotic.
[TINA laughs]
[TINA holds up her shot glass]
TINA
Well, here’s to, uh, crappy childhoods.
[DEAN holds his up as well and they clink glasses.]
DEAN
Hey. All right.
[DEAN clears his throat]
Oh. [Cell phone rings] Oh. Sorry.
[DEAN fishes for his phone in his suit jacket.]
TINA
I should go.
[DEAN pulls out his phone and SAM is calling him]
DEAN
Uh…
[TINA gets up from the table and grabs her jacket.]
TINA
Before you fall hopelessly in love with me.
DEAN
You gonna be okay?
TINA
I always am.
[TINA leaves]
[Cellphone ringing continues]
[DEAN answers]
DEAN
How we looking?
EXT. J.P.’s APARTMENT - NIGHT
SAM
Not great. Turns out J.P. was about three days from getting evicted.
OFF SCREEN SAM
His landlord said the guy blasted Neil Diamond 24/7
[TINA is giving the BARTENDER a hug goodbye. DEAN eyes them suspiciously.]
SAM
And that his bathroom was, “Like staring into the Devil’s butt.”
DEAN
That’s vivid.
OFF SCREEN SAM
And accurate. I saw it.
DEAN
You saw the John, or, uh—
OFF SCREEN SAM
Don’t.
[DEAN smiles, amused at his joke]
SAM
So, you got anything?
DEAN
Yeah. I got, uh, jack with two scoops of squat.
[TINA leaves the bar]
I don’t know, man. I think we ought to just call it a night and, uh—
[DEAN sees a large mysterious man walk out of the bar right after TINA]
OFF SCREEN SAM
And what? Dean? Hello?
DEAN
Sammy, I think I got something.
[DEAN hangs up the phone]
EXT. BAR – NIGHT
[DEAN follows the same path TINA and the mysterious man went.]
DEAN
Tina?
[TINA screams off screen and the same white light appears. DEAN pulls out his pistol and rushes over to a smoking pile of clothes by the dumpster. As he examines it, the mysterious man comes up behind him. Feeling someone else’s presence, DEAN turns around. The man then grabs the hex bag hanging around his neck and a white flash appears.]
INT. WITCH’S BASEMENT – NIGHT
[DEAN opens his eyes and looks around the room. There are bars on the windows. He’s changed clothes as well. He’s now wearing an oversized yellow hoodie.]
DEAN
[Confused] What the hell?
[He tries to open the door, but it is locked from the inside. He then pulls on the bared windows but they don’t budge. He notices his hands look different and quickly turns to a dusty mirror. After wiping the dust off with his shirt it’s revealed that DEAN has reverted into his 14 years old self.]
Son of a bitch.
ACT II
DEAN
[Dean looking at himself in the mirror]
[Sighs] Seriously?
[He checks out his new clothes.]
[Groans] Seriously?
[TINA clears her throat off screen]
TINA
Hey
[She too has reverted into a younger version of herself. She’s in the cell next to Dean but is separated by a broken wall.]
What’s your name?
DEAN
Dean.
TINA
Dean? It’s me – Tina.
DEAN
What?
TINA
Please tell me you know what the hell is going on.
DEAN
Honestly, I’m not sure yet.
TINA
Because I left the bar and then there was this…
DEAN
A light? A bright light?
TINA
Yes, and then I was here, and I thought this was a nightmare, but… Oh, God, if you’re here…It can’t be real. This doesn’t –
DEAN
I know. Just try to stay calm, okay?
TINA
Stay calm? I’m a freakin’ tween, and you look like some One Direction reject. And we’re in some freaky serial-killer basement. I can’t—
DEAN
Tina, Tina, just—I’m not gonna let anything happen to you, okay? Well, anything else happen to you.
TINA
This is crazy. How are you so calm?
[DEAN chuckles]
DEAN
Practice. Who’s your friend?
TINA
I’m not sure.
[A black haired kid in TINA’s cell is sitting on the cot, staring at the ground with his arms crossed]
He doesn’t talk.
DEAN
J.P.?
[The kid slowly looks up. Dean smiles and nods, realizing that was the man they were searching for. The basement door creaks open and the mysterious man from before comes down the stairs leading to their cells. The man opens J.P. and TINA’s cell. J.P. begins to scream.]
J.P.
Ahh! No!
[The man grabs J.P. from the bed.]
DEAN
Hey. Hey!
[DEAN begins tearing into the broken wood that separated TINA from DEAN.]
TINA
[Screaming] Don’t!
[TINA grabs the man taking J.P. away but he merely swats her away, causing her to fall on the floor and continues to walk out carrying J.P.]
J.P.
This is freakin’ America, man! You can’t do this!
[The cell door slams]
No!
INT. BAR – NIGHT
[SAM walks into the bar, pulls out his phone and calls DEAN.]
INT. WITCH’S BASEMENT - NIGHT
[In Dean’s cell, a covered food tray is slid under the door.]
TINA
What is it?
[DEAN hesitantly takes off the cover to reveal a rather large slice of cake.]
INT. BAR – NIGHT
[SAM is still trying to call his brother. He then hears DEAN’s phone ringing behind the counter at the bar. The BARTENDER goes into DEAN’s jacket and silences the phone.]
SAM
Hey, buddy? Where did that jacket come from?
[The BARTENDER chuckles silently]
BARTENDER
My Bar Mitzvah.
[He comes around in front of the counter]
It was a magical night.
SAM
Yeah, I bet.
[SAM smashes the BARTENDER’s head on the counter]
Why don’t you try that again?
BARTENDER
Dumpster. Found it by the dumpster.
SAM
All right.
[SAM lets go of the BARTENDER]
INT. WITCH’S BASEMENT – NIGHT
[DEAN is eating the cake with his hands, enjoying every bite.]
DEAN
Mmm.
[TINA stares at her piece of cake]
TINA
They probably poisoned it.
[DEAN stops eating.]
DEAN
Right.
[He sucks the remaining frosting off his finger]
Obviously
[He puts his cake to the side]
TINA
What do you think they’re doing to J.P.?
DEAN
[Sighs and hits the wall] Nothing good.
[DEAN feels around on the walls looking for a weak spot, or someway of getting out there. He then begins to pull fiercely on the bars from the bed. He starts kicking it. TINA watches him.]
TINA
What are you doing?
[He kicks off one of the bars from the bed and picks it up.]
DEAN
Getting us out of here.
[He pulls the bed in front of the window as leverage. After getting on top of the bed he begins to hack away at the cement holding the bars in the window in place.]
TINA
You know, before…I thought you were just another drunk.
[DEAN stops hacking to look at her.]
DEAN
I prefer functional alcoholic.
[He goes back to work]
TINA
Seriously, who – What are you?
[DEAN stops and sighs. He looks at her again.]
DEAN
That... is a long-ass story.
[And once again goes back to chisel away the cement.]
EXT. BAR – NIGHT
[SAM is walking around where DEAN disappeared with a flashlight. Under the dumpster where DEAN was seen last, SAM sees DEAN’s shoe and pistol. On the pistol SAM dusts off a yellow dust off the handle. He sniffs it.]
SAM
Flowers.
INT. WITCH’S BASEMENT – NIGHT
[DEAN continues to hack away at the window. He finally pulls one of the bars free.]
DEAN
Yahtzee.
[DEAN and TINA hear a door creak in the distance. The mysterious man is starting to come down the basement stairs.]
[TINA turns to DEAN]
TINA
Get out.
DEAN
What?
[The man is walking down the hallway]
TINA
Hurry. I’ll keep him busy.
[DEAN jumps down from the window and over to TINA.]
DEAN
Screw that. You’re coming with me.
TINA
There’s no time. Go. Get help.
DEAN
Tina—
TINA
I know you will.
[The man begins to unlock DEAN’s cell door. They’re running out of time. TINA starts screaming at the top of her lungs. The man gets distracted by her screaming and stops unlocking DEAN’s door.]
TINA
HELP ME! HELP ME PLEASE! I NEED A DOCTOR! I NEED A DOCTOR NOW!
[While TINA’s screaming, DEAN uses the opportunity to exit out of the window. The man enters TINA’s cell.]
HANSEL
What are you screaming about, girl?
[TINA whimpers]
INT. MOTEL ROOM- NIGHT
[SAM is on his laptop researching Yarrow and Transfiguration Spells when he hears a knock on the door. Suspicious of who could be at the door, he grabs his gun and cocks it back. After a moment he opens the door to a young DEAN, now wearing a red hat but doesn’t recognize him right away.]
SAM
Yeah?
DEAN
[Smirking] Hiya, Sammy.
[SAM lowers the gun realizing it’s his brother. He stares at him shocked.]
SAM
Dean?
ACT III
[DEAN enters the motel leaving SAM stunned at the door.]
DEAN
Yeah.
[DEAN calmly crosses the motel room and goes in the bathroom. SAM closes the motel room door. DEAN goes under the bed and pulls out a duffel bag and dumps it on the kitchen table. SAM is still staring at him with his mouth agape.]
SAM
[Stammering]
W-wait a second. Y-you’re a—
DEAN
Uh-huh.
SAM
How?
DEAN
No clue
[DEAN loads and unloads his gun]
Some scarface-looking dude, bright light.
[DEAN loads his gun and cocks it.]
Next thing I know, I wake up looking like Bieber.
SAM
Why would someone turn you into—
DEAN
Don’t know. [Putting the gun under his pants] Don’t care. Hey, we got any grenades?
SAM
What?
[SAM clearly not focused on the same thing DEAN is. DEAN tries to walk past SAM. SAM stops him.]
Don’t—Wait, wait, wait. Wait a second. Talk to me.
DEAN
Really, Sam? Now? I got no grass on the infield, and a girls’s gonna die. Sorry if I’m not in a chatty mood. Look, you wanted me back in the game. I’m back in the damn game.
[DEAN walks past SAM.]
Come on.
EXT. MOTEL – NIGHT
[A middle aged women holding grocery bags drops her motel key]
DEAN
Well…Ma’am, allow me.
[DEAN bends down and picks up the key. The woman is shocked at the young man’s manners. He hands them over to her with a nod and walks to the car. The woman smiles at him. Sam walks out of the motel room.]
WOMAN
[To SAM] Your son is so polite.
SAM
[Awkwardly] Thanks.
[DEAN hits the top of the Impala to get SAM into the car.]
SAM
Where are we heading?
DEAN
Tell you on the way.
INT. IMPALA - NIGHT
[DEAN gets in on the driver's side and SAM on the passenger's. DEAN automatically pulls the seat up in the car so he could reach the petals. SAM’s legs get squashed on the dash in the process.]
[SAM grunts.]
SAM
Okay, okay. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Wait, uh… maybe I should drive?
DEAN
Yeah. Yeah.
SAM
Okay. Seat. Seat. Seat.
[DEAN pushes the seat back.]
[Grunts] Ooh.
INT. IMPALA ON THE ROAD – NIGHT
SAM
Cake. Why would they give you cake?
DEAN
Well, don’t know. It wasn’t even good cake. Too dry.
[SAM scoffs.]
[SAM keeps glancing over at DEAN, freaked out]
DEAN
What?
SAM
Nothing. Okay, not nothing. Look, this is bizarre. Even for us, Dean. This is insane. You—you’re like—what, you’re like 14? How does it even feel?
DEAN
[Sighs] Well, I’m me. I’m—I’m old me, but I’m a kid. It’s freakin’ weird, dude. And…
SAM
What?
DEAN
[Sighs] There was a Taylor Swift song on the bus that I hopped to the motel, and, uh…I liked it, Sam. I liked it a lot.
SAM
Okay.
DEAN
My voice is weird, and I’ve got like nine zits, and I have zero control over this. [DEAN gesturing to his crotch area.] I mean, it’s up. It’s down. It’s up for no reason.
SAM
That’s enough. Yeah, thanks. Uh [Clears throat] let’s just call it puberty.
DEAN
Yeah, which sucks. Again.
SAM
Well, listen, I checked out the alley where you got jumped, and I found yarrow.
DEAN
Which means what?
SAM
Means we’re probably dealing with a witch. Yarrow’s a flower. They use it in a ton of spells.
DEAN
Okay. We still got some of that witch-killing crap in the trunk?
SAM
Hell, yeah. So, we’ll get you changed back, and then light Sabrina’s ass up. [Pause] Right?
DEAN
Uh, yeah, about that. It turns out, this whole freak show has an upside. [DEAN pulls up his sleeve to reveal he doesn’t have the Mark of Cain.] The mark is gone.
SAM
How?
DEAN
Well, I figure if this hoodoo slammed me back into the body I had when I was 14—
SAM
You didn’t have the mark then.
DEAN
Yeah, and if we reverse the spell—
SAM
Then it’s gonna come back.
DEAN
That’s what I’m thinking. So…maybe we don’t.
SAM
Wait a second. Are you saying you want to stay like this?
DEAN
No! [Sighs] No, but…if it’s between being a psycho rage monster/borderline demon or a teenager, well…
SAM
Really?
DEAN
[Sighs] Look, I’m not a fan, either, but…Sam, this is problem solved. And I’m still me. I can still hunt. I’m just, you know…dewier.
SAM
Okay, look, y-you have a point, kind of, but, dude—
DEAN
I know. Some good news, though—virgin liver [DEAN smiles]. So, what do you say when we’re done doing our hero thing, we take her for a test-drive?
SAM
Yeah, sure. I mean…you can drink again in, what, like seven years?
DEAN
That’s not funny.
SAM
[SAM smiles] That’s kind of funny.
DEAN
That’s not funny.
SAM
Oh, come on, man. It’s kind of funny.
[The IMPALA drives off into the night.]
EXT-WITCH’S HOUSE- NIGHT
[SAM and DEAN approach the WITCH’s house with flashlights in hand. A light is on in the house.]
SAM
Looks like someone’s home.
DEAN
Okay. Let’s go in through the basement. Get Tina out first.
SAM
All right.
[DEAN leads the way]
INT. WITCH’S BASEMENT- NIGHT
[HANSEL walks down the stairs and TINA is frightened in her cell.]
EXT. WITCH’S HOUSE- NIGHT
[DEAN and SAM get closer to the house]
INT. WITCH’S BASEMENT- NIGHT
[HANSEL continues to walk down the hallway leading to TINA’s cell. TINA looks over at the window]
EXT. WITCH’S HOUSE- NIGHT
[SAM and DEAN pass a bunch of yarrow flowers growing by the house]
INT. WITCH’S BASEMENT-NIGHT
[HANSEL opens TINA’s cell]
EXT. WITCH’S HOUSE- NIGHT
[DEAN and SAM approach the small window that DEAN escaped from.]
DEAN
Still open
[DEAN lifts the window open looking for TINA.]
Tina?
[TINA is not in her cell]
All right, let’s go.
[SAM points at the small window]
SAM
Dean, I’m way too big to fit in that.
DEAN
[Smirks] First time you ever had to say that, huh?
SAM
Big talk coming from the dude wearing underoos.
DEAN
Okay, good one. Here, why don’t you go around back for another way in?
SAM
Yeah.
[SAM goes around back and DEAN goes through the window, back into his old cell. DEAN walks around in the basement with his gun and flashlight pointed ready to strike. He spots an uneaten piece of cake, like the one he received earlier. As he gets further in he pushes aside a bucket and behind it is a human skull covered in cobwebs.]
[DEAN exhales deeply]
[There is a dark figure watching him from behind. DEAN feels somebody watching him and turns around quickly, but the figure is gone. DEAN slowly advances and is then attacked by HANSEL. He has DEAN in a chokehold when SAM hits HANSEL on the head with his gun, causing him to fall on the floor. DEAN and SAM have their guns pointed at HANSEL]
SAM
Don’t!
DEAN
Where’s the girl?
HANSEL
Upstairs. Alive.
DEAN
What did you do to us?
HANSEL
Nothing. I’m no witch. I just work for one.
SAM
Crappy gig. Where is he?
HANSEL
She. And she is the worst person in the world.
DEAN
Is that so?
HANSEL
I’ve been with her for centuries. Things I’ve see her do. My sister and I, she made us hurt people, kill people, and when we tried to escape, she caught us and tortured me, [Gestures to his mutilated face] and then she made me eat poor Gretel’s heart.
SAM
Wait. Witch? Gretel? [Scoffs] What, are you saying that you’re…
HANSEL
Hansel. My name is Hansel.
SAM
Hansel? And—and…and Gretel. Hansel and Gretel, like the—like the fable. Like Brothers Grimm?
[HANSEL stands up.]
HANSEL
It wasn’t a fable. It was based on a true story. They just gave it a happy ending.
DEAN
Oh, okay. We get to barbecue a celebrity. Cool.
HANSEL
You can’t kill her. You’re just men.
SAM
We’re more than that.
[SAM grabs a Molotov cocktail off the floor]
We’re hunters.
HANSEL
Ah. Then let me help.
DEAN
Help? What’s in it for you?
HANSEL
Because if you’re going to fry that candy-coated bitch, I want in.
SAM
You want to help? [SAM directs his gun at HANSEL] Tell me how to turn him back.
DEAN
Sam, it can wait.
SAM
Tell me how!
HANSEL
The hex bag that I’m wearing. It will reverse the spell. Squeeze it, and you’ll return to your proper age.
[SAM lowers his gun]
Look, we waste the witch, I give you the cure. Deal?
INT. WITCH’S KITCHEN- NIGHT
[Upstairs the witch, KATJA, is chopping onions at the kitchen table and TINA is tied to the chair with a gag in her mouth, watching her. The witch throws the onions in a very large pot of boiling soup that has other vegetables in it.]
KATJA
Your friend J.P. didn’t have much meat on his bones. [She sprinkles some herbs into the stew]
[KATJA chuckles]
But a good cook works with the ingredients she’s given.
[KATJA takes the ladle and spoons out some soup with bones in it. She slurps it. TINA struggles in her seat]
KATJA
Mmm. Oh. Wunderbar. [Chuckles.] [She turns around and looks at a terrified TINA] Oh, don’t worry, liebchen. You’re too good for soup. I’m thinking [KATJA wipes her mouth with a napkin] a nice, sweet chili glaze, a few hours roasting in the oven. And an apple in your mouth. [Chuckles]
[KATJA opens the large fiery oven and feeds it firewood. HANSEL opens the door into the kitchen.]
Hansel.
[DEAN and SAM enter behind him.]
DEAN
And pals.
[DEAN and SAM point their guns at KATJA]
KATJA [To DEAN]
Well, our lost lamb. I thought we’d have to go looking for you. Maybe even abandon our home sweet home here. I never dreamt you’d be stupid enough to come back on your own. [Chuckles] Hansel, take care of them.
[HANSEL doesn’t respond.]
DEAN
Yeah, he’s not exactly your biggest fan. [DEAN is now holding the Molotov cocktail]
SAM
Maybe you shouldn’t have made him chow down on his sister.
KATJA
I never made Hansel do anything.
[DEAN looks at the witch confused. HANSEL quickly grabs SAM’s gun and knocks him to the ground with his elbow.]
DEAN
[Grunts] Damn it!
[DEAN tries to light the Molotov cocktail but has no luck. HANSEL points SAM’s gun at DEAN.]
HANSEL
They’re hunters!
[DEAN finally gets the lighter working]
KATJA
Rumpatur!
[The Molotov cocktail flies out DEAN’s hand, smashing on the wall behind him. DEAN surrenders and gets on the ground next to his brother.]
Now…. Who’s hungry? [Evil grin]
ACT IV
HANSEL
[Gun pointed at the brothers] Don’t move.
[KATJA walks up to DEAN and feels his arm.]
KATJA
Ooh. Oh, scrawny. We’ll have to fatten you up.
[DEAM forcefully pulls his arm away from her grip]
DEAN
Don’t freakin’ touch me.
KATJA
Oh, I’m going to do more than that. [Grabs DEAN’s jaw] Children. Oh, they’re so sweet and innocent. [Licks her fingers] And delicious. You’ll see.
[HANSEL chuckles]
When I cook him up, I’ll give you some, hmm?
SAM
If you like kids so much, why not go after kids? What’s with this whole fountain of youth?
KATJA
[Unraveling garlic] Hmm, in the olden days, if a child went missing—ah, the young died all the time. Now, though, with all your AMBER Alerts and your milk cartons, a person fillets one rugrat, and people get so angry.
DEAN
Yeah, I blame Obama.
[SAM gives DEAN a look and he shrugs it off]
KATJA
So, I improvise. I take adults no one will miss and give them back their youth.
DEAN
And then Kentucky-fry ‘em.
KATJA
It’s the only way I can eat in peace.
[SAM secretly feels for the pocketknife in his back pocket. DEAN sees what SAM is doing and distracts the witch.]
DEAN
So, uh, is it worth it? I mean, word on the street is people kind of taste like chicken.
KATJA
A bit. European children are more, uh, free range, gamier. Americans, [SAM continues to try to grab his knife] though -- ooh – they are heaven. [Laughs] Fattier. The meat, so finely marbles, it’s almost buttery. I just can’t get enough.
DEAN
Mmm. Awesome.
KATJA
No! I am in awe. This is my first visit to your country. And I have to say God Bless the U.S.A.
DEAN
Oh, so, you’re a tourist.
KATJA
No. It’s business, not pleasure. An old friend is causing trouble, and the Grand Coven asked me to take of her. Poor, stupid Rowena.
DEAN
Wait, Rowena?
[SAM gets his knife out of his pocket]
She got red hair, a thing for ritzy hotels?
[KATJA drops the vegetable she was cooking with]
KATJA
How do you know that?
[SAM springs up and punches HANSEL in the face, knocking him to the ground. DEAN tackles him. KATJA attacks SAM with the knife, but SAM knocks it out of her hand. She in return knocks his knife out of SAM’s hand. She then uses her power to throw him against the bookcase. DEAN is still on top of HANSEL when he elbows DEAN in the face, knocking him off of him. HANSEL gets on top of DEAN and bangs his body repeatedly on the ground. TINA gives off a muffled scream. KATJA opens the fiery oven. SAM is trying his best to get up but is too weak. HANSEL throws DEAN up against the side of the refrigerator.]
Now you’ll burn!
[DEAN’s hit one more time and slides to the ground.]
HANSEL
Stay down, boy.
[DEAN’s face is blooded up and is too weak to move.]
KATJA
Turn him!
[HANSEL chuckles]
[DEAN spots the kitchen knife on the ground.]
[HANSEL goes to touch the hex bag around his neck and it’s gone.]
HANSEL
The hell?
[He turns around and DEAN is holding it by its string. DEAN grabs it and the whole room is illuminated in a bright light. DEAN turns back into an adult. He grabs the knife and plunges it through HANSEL’s chest. He then stomps over to KATJA holding the hex bag]
[KATJA stammers]
[DEAN forcefully stuffs the hex bag in KATJA’s mouth.]
KATJA
No!
[DEAN begins pushing her into the oven. Once he successfully gets her into it, he closes the door and lets her burn.]
[KATJA screams and bangs on the iron door in agony. DEAN locks it shut. He looks over at his brother, who is still on the floor and weak, but is relieved the witch is dead.]
ACT V
EXT. WITCH’S HOUSE- NIGHT
[SAM, DEAN and TINA are outside of the witch’s house]
TINA
That was crazy. Like psycho crazy. And you do this all the time?
DEAN
All the freakin’ time.
SAM
Not all the time.
TINA
So… can you turn me back?
DEAN
The hex bag went up in flames. I’m so sorry, Tina.
[TINA looks disappointed]
SAM
We may be able to reverse engineer the spell, though.
[TINA looks at her reflection on the window of the house.]
TINA
Or maybe you don’t.
SAM
Come again?
TINA
I got three ex-husbands, 50 grand in debt, and not much else. I was… kind of a crappy adult. Maybe I’ll do better this time around. Get out of town, get a fresh start. This is my second chance. Everybody wants a second chance, right?
[DEAN gives a small smile]
DEAN
Sure you’re gonna be all right?
TINA
Like I told you, I always am.
SAM
Can we at least give you a ride somewhere?
[TINA thinks and then nods. She turns to walk towards the IMPALA]
[DEAN holds out his hand]
DEAN
Give me the keys.
EXT. GREAT PLAINES BUS LINES- DAY
[TINA, DEAN and SAM are standing outside at the bus station. SAM thumbs through some money.]
SAM
All right, here you go. It’s all the cash we got.
[SAM hands off the cash to TINA]
TINA
Thanks for everything.
DEAN
You stay safe out there, you hear?
TINA
I will.
[TINA gives DEAN a hug and kiss on the cheek]
And hey, we’ll always have the Royale motel, right?
[SAM doesn’t get it but DEAN smiles and nods. TINA walks into the bus station. SAM and DEAN walk toward the IMPALA]
DEAN
So…Grand Coven. Any ideas?
SAM
Doesn’t sound good.
[They reach the IMPALA]
DEAN
Well, sounds like an 80’s hair-metal band. You know, lot of hair spray, lot of eye shadow, lot of keytar.
[SAM stares blankly at him]
No? Nothing? Come on, man. I’m painting a word picture here.
SAM
Is it back?
[DEAN lifts his sleeve up to reveal the Mark of Cain is back on his arm.]
DEAN
Look, I know what you’re going to say, okay? But you were in deep.
SAM
I know. I know. You saved me, and you saved Tina, and…pulled a Dean Winchester.
[DEAN is taken back by SAM’s statement]
Thank you.
DEAN
Anytime.
SAM
Look, man… do I wish the mark was gone? Yes, of course. Absolutely, I do, but… I wanted you back. And now here you are, and you didn’t Hulk out, so… [SAM shrugs] I’ll take the win. As for the rest of it—the mark, everything else…we’ll figure it out. We always do.
DEAN
Damn right. Let’s get out here.
[DEAN and SAM get in the car. DEAN smiles]
DEAN
[Sighs] Oh. I’m back baby.
[He turns the engine over and puts on the radio. Taylor Swift’s “Shake it Off” plays.]
MUSIC
♫Players gonna play, play, play play, play♫
[SAM gets a disgusted look when he hears the song.]
♫And the haters gonna hate, hate , hate, hate, hate♫
[DEAN on the other hand doesn’t change the station and seems to enjoy the song. SAM looks at his brother for him to change it.]
♫Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake♫
[DEAN shrugs at him and leaves the song on.]
♫Shake it off, shake it off♫
[DEAN steps on the gas and drives off with Taylor Swift playing in the background]
♫Heartbreakers gonna break, break, break, break, break♫
♫And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake♫
♫Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake♫
♫Shake it off, shake it off’♫
END
