5.12 Swap Meat (transcript)
Written by: Julie Siege, Rebecca Dessertine and Harvey Fedor; teleplay by Julie Siege
Directed by: Robert Singer
Air Date: 28 Jan 2010NOW
INT. BAR – NIGHT
A WOMAN with long blonde hair is sitting at the bar with a drink. SAM walks up to the bar and sits next to her.
SAM
Evening, barkeep. I would like to purchase some alcohol, please.
BARTENDER
Uh-huh, what can I get you?
SAM
[holding up I.D.] Well, I’m 26. As you can see. From my license.
BARTENDER
Congratulations. What can I get you?
SAM
A banana daiquiri, my good man. [SAM looks very pleased.]
WOMAN
[smiling at SAM] I’m Crystal. What’s your name?
SAM
Hi, Crystal. [He holds out his hand and they shake.] I’m Gary.
CRYSTAL
Gary, I don’t want to embarrass you, but you are just – you are just a stunning-looking man.
SAM
I know, right? [He pushes his hair behind his ears.]
The BARTENDER brings the banana daiquiri, complete with pink umbrella.
SAM
Ooh! Thanks.
CRYSTAL
So Gary, are you having a good time tonight?
SAM
Mmm! [slurping on the daiquiri] Thank you for asking, Crystal – this is like the best night ever.
CRYSTAL
Do you think we could make it any better?
SAM
[shrugs] Probably. I don’t know!
CRYSTAL
I mean, do you want to get out of here?
SAM
Well, I kind of like this bar. And I just ordered this daiquiri.
CRYSTAL
I mean, do you want to get out of here with me?
SAM
[looking around and then whispering] Are we talking about sex?
CRYSTAL
Well, I, uh – [laughs] Yeah. I suppose we are.
SAM
[inhales sharply] Crystal, I would love to have the sex with you.
CRYSTAL
[chuckles] Great. Then let's go.
The camera pans to a smiling TEENAGE BOY, then back to CRYSTAL. We see that she is actually talking to the TEENAGE BOY, not to SAM.
CRYSTAL
Love that jacket on you, by the way.
TEENAGE BOY (GARY)
Thanks. Actually, the whole outfit is new.
SUPERNATURAL (Title Card)
ACT ONE
EXT. – DAY
HOUSATONIC, MASSACHUSETTS – THIRTY-SIX HOURS EARLIER
The IMPALA pulls up outside a white two-storey house.
WOMAN’S VOICE
Dean and Sammy Winchester.
INT. HOUSE – DAY
A WOMAN and a TEENAGE GIRL are sitting on a sofa on one side of a coffee table. SAM and DEAN are on a sofa on the other side. The WOMAN sets a plate of cookies on the table, which also holds a pitcher of lemonade.
WOMAN
So, how long has it been?
SAM
The summer before 6th grade.
WOMAN
Mmm, I remember. You assigned yourself your own reading list.
DEAN
[chuckling] That’s right. I forgot about that.
SAM
[to the TEENAGE GIRL] Your mom happens to be the best babysitter we ever had.
WOMAN
Well, when I was a maid at the Mayflower, out on the interstate – long before you were even an idea – their daddy used to pass through town and leave the boys with me while he went off to... work. One time, he was gone for two weeks.
TEENAGE GIRL
Two weeks?
WOMAN
Mm-hmm. Oh, he'd always come limping back. He loved you boys.
TEENAGE GIRL
Did you know what he did all that time?
WOMAN
Little Sammy kept trying to tell me. Of course, I didn't believe him. Not at first, anyway.
SAM
Katie, our dad, um, happened to be an expert at getting rid of ghosts. And now, so are we.
WOMAN
That's why I called them, sweetie. They can help us.
A MAN comes into the room carrying suitcases.
DEAN
Sounds like you guys got yourself a poltergeist.
MAN
Started a month or two after we moved in.
DONNA
Yeah, first it was, uh, just bumps and knocks and scratches on the walls. And then it started breaking things.
SAM
And then it attacked Katie?
MAN
That was two nights ago.
WOMAN
Can you show them, honey?
KATIE stands up and lifts her shirt, revealing words cut into her skin.
SAM
“Murdered Chylde.”
DEAN
Katie, everything's gonna be fine. I promise. Why don't you guys take yourselves a little vacation, and, uh, we'll take care of it.
DONNA
[sighs] Thank you.
EXT. DINER – DAY
INT. DINER – DAY
SAM is sitting at a table. DEAN waits at the counter. GARY carries a tray of food to the counter.
GARY
Uh, bacon burger turbo, large chilli-cheese fry, uh, and a Health Quake Salad shake?
DEAN
I know. I know. It's, uh… [clears throat] it's not mine.
DEAN sits down opposite SAM. SAM adds dressing to his salad shake and shakes it very thoroughly. DEAN stares at him.
DEAN
Oh, you shake it up, baby. You know, poltergeist aside, Donna looked pretty good, don't you think?
SAM
Dude, don't tell me you've still got the hots for our babysitter.
DEAN
What? No. That's weird. [chuckles] I'm just saying that she, you know, she – she's – she's doing good. You know, with her husband, her kid. This whole Amityville thing being thrown at them, and they're hanging tough.
SAM
Yeah.
DEAN
You ever think that you'd want something like that? Wife, rugrats, the whole nine?
SAM
[shakes his head ] No, not really my thing anymore.
DEAN
Yeah. What do you got?
SAM
Uh, well, that house of theirs, it's old – really old. Um, hundreds of years. And I found a legend. It’s unconfirmed, but still.
DEAN
Saying?
SAM
Supposedly, in the 1720s, the house was owned by a guy named Isaiah Pickett. [He turns his laptop to show DEAN a site titled “Witchcraft.”] Legend has it he hung a woman in his backyard for witchcraft – a woman named Maggie Briggs.
DEAN
Okay, so an angry ghost witch?
SAM
If it's true. [The camera focuses on GARY, who is staring at them.] That still doesn't explain what "Murdered Chylde" means.
DEAN
No, or where the bitch is buried.
SAM
You know, I mean, it's a long way back, but I can see if I can find something in the town records.
DEAN
It's worth a shot.
GARY, still staring at SAM, smiles slightly.
MANAGER
Gary! Curly fries are up!
EXT. STREET – NIGHT
SAM is walking down the street talking on the phone.
DEAN’S VOICE ON PHONE
So, any luck?
SAM
Bupkis. Can't even find proof a woman named Maggie Briggs existed, much less where she was planted.
DEAN
All right. Well, we've got a minute to breathe here, so, uh, let's pick it up first thing.
SAM
Yeah, you bet. See you in a few.
SAM, now in a park, hears a noise and stops. A dart hits SAM in the neck.
SAM
Aah! What...
SAM falls to the ground.
CUT TO:
SAM, now dressed in GARY’s diner uniform, is lying on the ground. He wakes, looks at his clothes and holds a hand to his neck.
CUT TO:
A police car comes up behind SAM, who is walking down a road.
POLICE OFFICER
[on radio] Yeah, this is Collins out on Route 30. I think we got him.
[to SAM] Mr. Frankel? Mr. Gary Frankel?
SAM
Who?
OFFICER COLLINS
Your family's worried sick about you, son.
SAM
My – my family? My brother called you?
OFFICER COLLINS
Come on, get in before you freeze solid.
SAM gets in the police car.
EXT. HOUSE – NIGHT
The police car pulls into the driveway of a blue two-storey house. OFFICER COLLINS gets out and opens the door for SAM.
SAM
Thanks, uh, but, uh, w-where are we?
OFFICER COLLINS
You're home, son.
SAM
N-no, officer, I-I'm not staying here.
GARY’S PARENTS run out of the house.
GARY’S MOM
Gary! Oh, my God! Gary! Oh, God! Gary! [She hugs him.]
SAM
Oh, hey! Hey! Hey!
GARY’S MOM
Are you all right?
SAM
Okay. Okay. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Um, w-what's going on here?
GARY’S MOM
What do you mean?
SAM
Lady, who are you?
GARY’S DAD
Young man, are you drunk?
SAM
And who are you?
GARY’S MOM
Gary, are you drunk? Answer your father.
SAM
My father? Look… [SAM sees GARY’s reflection, rather than his own, in the police car window] Who is that?! Who the hell is that?!
GARY’S DAD
He's out of his gourd. Young man, I'm very surprised at you.
SAM
Yeah. Tell me about it.
ACT TWO
INT. MOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
SAM is flexing his muscles in front of a mirror.
SAM
[in GARY's voice] Oh, yeah. Bring it!
He turns away from the mirror and we see that it is GARY in SAM’s body.
GARY
Holy crap.
DEAN enters.
DEAN
Sam. Where the hell you been, man? I've been trying to call you for hours.
GARY
I picked up some food. Bacon burger turbo, large chilli-cheese fry, right? Sorry, man. Really. I-I just – I lost track of time. I didn't mean to freak you out.
DEAN
Thanks. Don't know why it took you two hours, but thanks.
GARY
Oh, you're gonna want to eat that on the road.
DEAN
Why?
GARY
The maid came in, saw that [the camera pans to weapons laid out for cleaning], and now they're all kind of freaking out.
DEAN
Why'd you let the maid in?
GARY
It just happened.
DEAN
Whatever. I got to hit the head, and then we'll take off.
GARY
All right. I-I’ll be outside.
DEAN goes into the bathroom. GARY picks up DEAN’s phone, flips it open, smiles and closes it.
INT. IMPALA – NIGHT
GARY takes a handful of phones out of the glove compartment.
EXT. MOTEL – NIGHT
GARY puts the phones in a dumpster.
CUT TO:
GARY is sitting in the passenger seat of the IMPALA. DEAN walks up and opens the driver’s door.
DEAN
Hey. You ready?
GARY
Absolutely. [DEAN gets in.] Hey, can I drive?
DEAN looks at him. We hear car doors close and the scene cuts to GARY in the driver’s seat and DEAN in the passenger seat. GARY starts the engine.
GARY
Oh, this is so sweet! [He revs the engine.]
DEAN
You want to get the lead out, Andretti? Come on. [GARY puts the car into gear.] Reverse. Reverse!
The tires squeal as the IMPALA shoots backwards and hits the dumpster. Full trash bags fall onto the trunk.
DEAN
It's in reverse.
They get out of the IMPALA and survey the damage.
GARY
I am really, really sorry.
DEAN
Shut up.
CUT TO:
The IMPALA drives away. The trash bags on the trunk fall to the ground.
INT. GARY’S PARENTS’ HOUSE – NIGHT
DEAN’S VOICE
This is Dean's other, other cell, so you must know what to do.
SAM is standing in GARY’s bedroom holding a phone to his ear.
SAM
Dean, I've called every phone we got. Where are you, man? [We see GARY’s body reflected in the mirror.] So, this is gonna sound crazy, really crazy, but, um – I think I'm in the wrong body. [chuckles nervously] Could use a little help here. I-I think I got asthma. Call me back.
SAM makes another call.
MAN’S VOICE
Lucky Star Motel.
SAM
Hello, uh, could you please connect me to room 102?
MAN
102? Uh, nah, man, those guys checked out middle of the night.
SAM
Wait – "guys"? Plural?
MAN
Yeah – uh, one leather jacket, one Sasquatch. They left.
SAM hangs up and looks at GARY’s reflection in the mirror. He moves his jaw from side to side with his hand.
SAM
Who are you?
SAM looks through GARY’s things, including Advanced Placement chemistry and physics notes.
SAM
Smart kid. [He takes a Star Wars Darth Vader t-shirt off the clothes rack and sighs.] Virgin. [He opens a box he found under the bed, which contains a Busty Asian Beauties magazine.] Frustrated virgin. [He finds a black dagger and a black cloth with a pentagram.] Witchcraft, huh, Gary? You little Satanic bastard.
GARY’S MOM
[calling from downstairs] Gary! breakfast!
SAM
Leave me alone.
GARY’S MOM
Gary!
SAM
All right, I'm coming!
CUT TO:
GARY’S DAD and SISTER are at the table in the kitchen. SAM enters and sits down. GARY’S MOM puts a plate of food in front of SAM.
GARY’S DAD
So, Gary, I'd like to know what happened last night.
SAM
[exhales sharply] So would I. Believe me.
GARY’S DAD
I mean, what happened with the plan, buddy?
SAM
The plan?
GARY’S DAD
S.A.T.s, M.I.T. – the plan. You want to be an engineer, you need a full ride. So, tell me, how does getting drunk fit with the plan?
SAM
Right, yeah. Listen, buddy, no offense, but at the moment, I could give a rat's ass about your plan.
GARY’S DAD
Excuse me?
SAM
Uh… huh. Listen, h-have I seemed, uh, moody lately? Withdrawn?
GARY’S SISTER
Wow.
SAM
Any – any occult fixations?
GARY’S MOM
What?
SAM
Let me guess – I'm amazing at Latin.
GARY’S MOM
You have an ear for languages.
SAM
Hmm. Um, any of the neighbourhood pets go missing recently?
GARY’S DAD
Are you smoking drugs?
GARY’S MOM
Leonard. He is not smoking drugs.
SAM
Have any of you seen me w-w-with a book? It'd be big and old, uh, leather-bound, maybe some strange writing on it. Or [sighs] frankly, I'm probably hiding it.
SAM takes a piece of toast from GARY’S MOM’s plate and takes a bite.
GARY’S MOM
Gary, no!
SAM
W-what?
GARY’S MOM
You're allergic to wheat gluten.
CUT TO:
The toilet flushes. SAM comes out of the bathroom holding his stomach. GARY’S SISTER is waiting outside.
SAM
Gluten.
GARY’S SISTER
You've seriously sprung a leak.
SAM
What?
GARY’S SISTER
If Mom and Dad ever found that creepy old book of yours, you'd be grounded for a decade. And you're bringing it up at breakfast?
SAM
So there is a book. Sydney, where do I keep it?
EXT. STREET – DAY
GARY and DEAN are walking.
GARY
So, uh, where we going, anyway?
DEAN
To work. The case?
GARY
Oh, right. Yeah – the case. Of course. Where, uh, do you want to start?
DEAN
Well, since you couldn't find where Maggie Briggs was buried, now we have to do an all-day tombstone roll to see if we can dig her up.
GARY
Wait. M-Maggie Briggs? You mean, like – like, the witch Maggie Briggs?
DEAN
Yeah, Sherlock.
They stand on opposite sides of the IMPALA.
GARY
Yeah, she's in the basement.
DEAN
Come again? W-what basement?
GARY
Isaiah Pickett’s house. Okay, there's this legend that he hung her, but he didn't. The real truth is that she was carrying his illegitimate child, and he killed her and then buried her in the basement.
DEAN
The murdered chylde. That would explain the scratches. How do you know all this?
GARY
Oh, I've done all kinds of research on it. [DEAN looks at him in surprise.] I mean, you know, last night.
DEAN
Yeah. Nice work... I guess.
They get into the IMPALA. DEAN turns on the radio and Bob Seger's "Rock 'n' Roll Never Forgets" plays.
GARY
Aw, man, turn it up!
DEAN
Seriously?
GARY
Hell yeah!
♪ You can come back, baby ♪
[louder] ♪ Rock 'n' roll never forgets ♪
♪ ooooh, the band's still playin' it loud and lean ♪
♪ listen to the guitar player makin' it scream ♪
♪ all you got to do is just make that scene ♪
SAM’S VOICE ON PHONE
Dean! Someone has stolen my body! The guy right next to you is not me!
EXT. SCHOOL – DAY
SAM (ON PHONE)
Check your friggin' voicemail. Damn it.
TEENAGE BOY
Gary?
TEENAGE GIRL
Are you okay?
SAM
Yeah, I'm Gary... Gary is okay.
TEENAGE BOY
So we're referring to ourselves in the third person now?
TEENAGE GIRL
We heard about last night. What happened?
SAM
Got drunk. No big thing. Look, uh, what's my locker number?
The TEENAGE GIRL laughs.
TEENAGE BOY
What, are you – are you still drunk?
SAM
Yeah, yeah, I see, like, three of you right now. Um, so – so, what's my locker number?
INT. SCHOOL LOCKER ROOM – DAY
SAM opens the lock on GARY’s locker by listening to the dial as he turns it. Inside he finds the witchcraft book.
SAM
Oh, no, Gary. [He sighs.] This is a very, very bad book.
INT. ABANDONED HOUSE – DAY
DEAN and GARY walk downstairs and look around with flashlights.
GARYS
Boo-yah! Master chief is in the house, bizatches!
DEAN
Are you all right?
GARY
Yeah. Fine.
DEAN
Well, I'll be damned. Willow moss.
GARY
Yeah, right. It's, uh, supposed to grow over witches' graves, right?
DEAN
[as if SAM should definitely know that] Yeah.
DEAN takes a shovel out of a bag and starts digging up the grave. GARY trains a gun on DEAN.
GARY
Hey, man, I'm really sorry about this.
DEAN
Sorry about what?
GARY suddenly flies backwards and hits the wall.
DEAN
Sam! [He rushes to GARY and helps him up.] You okay?
GARY
Let's get the hell out of here!
DEAN
Wait, wait, wait. We still got to burn the body, you idiot. Come on.
DEAN goes flying into the wall. A ghost appears. She burns up as she rushes at DEAN.
CUT TO:
Flames burn in the grave. GARY stands next to the grave holding a can of lighter fluid.
GARY
Dude, that was sweet!
ACT THREE
EXT. SCHOOL – DAY
SAM is walking away from the school carrying the witchcraft book. The TEENAGE BOY and GIRL follow him.
TEENAGE BOY
Hey, Gary, wait up!
TEENAGE GIRL
Where are you going?
SAM
I got something to do.
TEENAGE BOY
You're skipping class? You?
SAM
I’m just… not feeling like myself, okay?
TEENAGE BOY
Well, whatever it is, we can talk it out, bro. Come with us.
SAM
I don't have time. I got to go. I'm sorry. [He turns away.]
TEENAGE BOY
Hey!
The TEENAGE BOY fires a dart at SAM, which hits him in the neck.
TEENAGE GIRL
Trevor!
TREVOR
Well, what else was I supposed to do?
SAM falls to the ground.
INT. BAR – NIGHT
DEAN and GARY are at a table. Each has a bottle of beer. A WAITRESS brings them more drinks.
WAITRESS
Here you go, guys.
DEAN
You know, do me a favor, sweetheart. Would you bring me a cheeseburger with extra bacon? And fry an egg on top of it, would you?
WAITRESS
Absolutely.
GARY
Ooh, that – that sounds good. Ditto.
WAITRESS
Be right back with your order.
DEAN
Okay, who are you and what have you done with Sam?
GARY
W-what do you mean?
DEAN
Bacon cheeseburgers now?
GARY
I don't know. I eat them, don't I? Anyways, we are celebrating. [He lifts his glass in a toast.]
DEAN
Yeah, I guess. Another one bites the dust. Nice work today.
GARY
You too. I had a, uh, really awesome day, man. Seriously. [He downs his drink.] Whoo! Sweet.
DEAN
A really awesome day?
GARY
Yeah. Why not?
DEAN
It was a random, D-list ghost hunt. That’s – that's awesome to you?
GARY
I can't be in a good mood?
DEAN
Yeah, I guess, I just… No, actually. It's not really your style, Sam.
GARY
Well, then, it's a new me. I mean, come on. Why shouldn't I be happy? I've got a gun, I'm getting drunk, and [he points his finger at his face] I look like this. [sighs] I don't know. You ever feel like your whole future is being decided for you?
DEAN
Uh, yeah, Sam, I feel like that a lot.
GARY
No matter how much you fight it, you can't stop the plan. The stupid, stupid plan. So, I don't know. I guess it's, uh, it's just nice to do a little ass-kicking for a change, that's all. Uh, you know what? I – I'm drunk. [chuckles] Sorry. Just – just forget it.
DEAN
No, no. It's all right. It’s, uh… I'll drink to that. [They clink glasses and drink.] Wow, you know, is it just me, or are we actually drinking together?
GARY
We don't do it that often, huh?
DEAN
[scoffs] Yeah, you could say that.
GARY
Well, we should. You're a good guy, Dean.
DEAN
Oh, you are drunk.
The WAITRESS arrives with the burgers.
WAITRESS
Here you go.
DEAN
Mmm. Thank you.
WAITRESS
Enjoy.
GARY
No, but I mean it. You really are a good guy. [He takes a bite of his burger.] Mmm! The bread alone! Mmm!
CUT TO:
A little later. DEAN is still at the table, but GARY’s seat is empty. DEAN turns around and sees GARY at the bar with CRYSTAL.
CRYSTAL
Love that jacket on you, by the way.
GARY
Thanks. Actually, the whole outfit is new.
DEAN watches CRYSTAL and GARY leave the bar. GARY pauses at the door.
GARY
We're gonna do it!
DEAN finally looks suspicious.
INT. HOUSE – NIGHT
SAM in GARY’s body is sitting on a coffee table with his hands tied behind his back. TREVOR is holding a phone. The TEENAGE GIRL stands nearby with her arms folded.
SAM
Hey! What the hell's going on?!
TREVOR
You can scream all you want. [loudly] No one can hear you! My parents are out of town!
TREVOR (ON PHONE)
Gary.
INT. CRYSTAL’S HOUSE – NIGHT
GARY is in bed, naked at least to the waist.
GARY (ON PHONE)
T. What up?
The scene alternates between TREVOR’S PARENTS’ HOUSE and CRYSTAL’S HOUSE.
TREVOR
Where are you?
GARY
Uh, I can't really tell you right now, but, man, you wouldn't believe it.
TREVOR
Well, where's Dean?
GARY
Uh, the Cloverleaf on Route 6. Why?
TREVOR
You mean you haven't killed him yet?
SAM
What? Wait, wait, wait, wait. W-what do you mean? Kill Dean?
GARY
Building up to it.
TREVOR
Look, Gary, we got problems here. For one, I'm looking at your body right now – with this other dude in it.
GARY
What?
TREVOR
Yeah, he's been in your house. He's hanging out with your parents.
GARY
Okay just... calm down. Whatever he says, no one's gonna believe him, right? I mean, w-we're still good.
TREVOR
Would you just hurry up and kill the son of a bitch already, would you?
GARY
Don't rush me. I'll do it.
TREVOR
Yeah, you better.
INT. CRYSTAL’S HOUSE – NIGHT
CRYSTAL opens the bedroom door. She’s wearing a short black dress, long black boots and long black gloves, and is carrying a whip.
GARY
Got to go. [He hangs up. CRYSTAL smacks the whip on her palm.] Oh, man. I am in way over my head.
INT. TREVOR’S PARENTS’ HOUSE – NIGHT
TREVOR
I don't think he's gonna do it.
TEENAGE GIRL
Just relax, this is Gary we're talking about.
SAM
What the hell is going on here? How do you know who Dean is?
TREVOR
Everybody knows Dean. He’s Hell’s most wanted.
SAM
Oh, no. No. Have you idiots been talking to demons?
TREVOR
Oh, right. We're the idiots.
SAM
[sighs] You're just kids. You have no idea what you're messing with.
TREVOR
Well, we know that there's a price on Dean's head, and we're the ones that are gonna collect.
SAM
What's that supposed to mean?
TEENAGE GIRL
About a month ago, we were down here –
TREVOR
Nora.
NORA
We’re not allowed to talk about him? We were down here, goofing around with that book.
TREVOR
Um, I wouldn't exactly call praying to our dark overlord “goofing around.”
NORA
Don’t be a loser, Trev.
SAM
Yeah, Trev.
NORA
Anyway, all of a sudden, the lights flickered and Gary went into this weird trance. He closed his eyes, picked up a pencil, and drew this. [She shows SAM a drawing of DEAN.]
TREVOR
And you know what's really weird? Gary can't draw.
NORA
He said he heard a voice in his head. The demons were putting out a bounty on this guy.
SAM
A bounty?
NORA
Yeah, like, every witch or Satanist across the whole country. But Gary – Gary’s the one who spotted you.
SAM
And the "Freaky Friday" crap?
NORA
Another spell from the book. Gary's idea – go in Trojan horse-style. He's really smart.
TREVOR
That is, if he has the beanbags to go through with it.
SAM
Listen to me. You are making a terrible mistake. We're talking about a demon deal – killing somebody. This isn't a game. You're crossing a line you won't come back from. Believe me.
NORA looks at TREVOR in alarm.
TREVOR
What?
NORA
Nothing. I-I...
TREVOR
Nora, don't tell me you're actually listening to this jerk.
NORA
I don't know. M-maybe. I-I mean, what if he has a point?
TREVOR
I don't believe this. First Gary, now you. I can't – you know what? Fine. You want something done right...
NORA
What, you're gonna – you're gonna go kill Dean yourself, tough guy?
TREVOR
Don't have to. I can do this. [He holds up the witchcraft book open to a page about demon summoning.]
NORA
N-no, no. Y-you can't be serious.
TREVOR
I'm calling up one of these bad boys, turning these punks over, and getting paid. Dolla, dolla bills, y'all!
NORA
I-I really don't think that that's a good idea.
SAM
It's not. It's a very, very bad idea.
TREVOR
No one asked you.
INT. MOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
GARY enters quietly. DEAN appears to be asleep under blankets on one of the beds. GARY picks up a gun and aims it at the bed. DEAN appears behind GARY and punches him.
DEAN
You're not Sam. Who the hell are you?
GARY
Ow!
INT. TREVOR’S PARENTS’ HOUSE – NIGHT
TREVOR has set up the ingredients for the summoning ritual.
SAM
Don't do this. I'm begging you.
NORA
Trevor, I think he's right.
TREVOR
Hey, you want to get into Vassar, don't you?
SAM
Please! Stop! [TREVOR commences the spell.] You're gonna get us all killed!
TREVOR
Ad ligandum eos pariter eos coram me! [Nothing seems to have happened.] Maybe I said it wrong. [He turns and sees NORA slumped on the floor.] Nora?
SAM
No! No, no! Don't touch her!
TREVOR
Nora, you okay?
NORA looks at him, her eyes black.
NORA/DEMON
Oh, yeah. I'm peachy.
ACT FOUR
INT. TREVOR’S PARENTS’ HOUSE – NIGHT
NORA/DEMON
So, what'd you call me here for, Skippy? Unless... it's dinnertime?
TREVOR
What? I-I... n-no. Uh, we have Dean Winchester.
NORA/DEMON
You do? Where?
SAM
Trevor, keep your mouth shut.
TREVOR
The Cloverleaf Motel over on Route 6.
NORA/DEMON
Sam? Is that you in there? [laughs] Well, aren't you just 98 pounds of nothing.
SAM
The kid is a moron. He doesn't have any idea where Dean is.
NORA/DEMON
[laughs] So, if Sam’s in this body, who's in Sam’s?
TREVOR
A dangerous warlock. Named Gary.
NORA/DEMON
You mean to tell me you've got Dean Winchester and Sam Winchester's meat suit? An empty vessel just waiting to be filled. And you're handing them both over to me?
TREVOR
Uh, y-yeah. I guess.
NORA/DEMON
Well... I got to hand it to you. I'm impressed.
TREVOR
Thanks. Um, so if you don't mind my asking... there's a reward?
NORA/DEMON
Sure. My undying gratitude.
TREVOR
[chuckles] What, are you serious?
SAM
Be quiet, you idiot!
NORA/DEMON
Consider yourself lucky, kid.
TREVOR
[sighs] Um, wait a minute! We worked our asses off here, and, uh, I want my reward! [NORA/DEMON stares at him.] Please?
NORA/DEMON
[chuckles] Okay. I'm sorry. You're right. What can I get you?
TREVOR
Well, h-how about a million bucks?
SAM
Oh, for God's sake, Trevor, just shut up and run!
NORA/DEMON
A million doesn't buy you much these days. Why not make it 10?
TREVOR
Okay, $10 mill. And I want... I want Mindy Schwartz to fall in love with me.
NORA/DEMON
Love... money. [chuckles] Sticking to the basics. I can respect that. But here's my counter.
NORA/DEMON drives her hand into TREVOR’s body. Blood runs from his mouth as he drops to the floor. NORA/DEMON licks blood from her hand.
NORA/DEMON
Yep. Tastes like moron. [She smiles at SAM.]
INT. MOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
DEAN presses a button on the motel room phone. GARY is tied to a chair.
PHONE MESSAGE BANK
[beep] You have 38 messages.
SAM’S VOICE
[beep] Uh, this is gonna sound crazy – really crazy – but I think, uh, I think I'm in the wrong body. [chuckles nervously] [beep] Dean, the guy right next to you is not me! [beep] Dean, check your friggin' voicemail. Damn it.
DEAN
All right, pal. Either you start talking or I start water boarding.
GARY
Oh, my God. Please, don't hurt me. Please! I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry!
DEAN
Hey, pull it together, champ.
GARY
I don't want to die. I don't want to die.
DEAN
Where's Sam?
GARY
In my – my friend's basement. His parents are out of town.
DEAN
Parents? How old are you?
GARY
17.
DEAN
17? Huh.
DEAN goes flying backwards into a lamp, falls to the ground and lies still. GARY turns and sees NORA/DEMON.
GARY
Nora?
NORA/DEMON’s eyes turn black.
NORA/DEMON
Not at the moment.
INT. TREVOR’S PARENTS’ HOUSE – NIGHT
SAM is straining against the ropes that bind him to a chair.
SAM
[grunting] Whew! [breathing heavily] Damn it!
INT. MOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
DEAN is unconscious on the floor. NORA/DEMON unties GARY.
NORA/DEMON
Boy, you earned your dessert tonight, kiddo. Tell me – what is it you want? Anything.
GARY
Anything?
NORA/DEMON
Lay it on me.
GARY
I want to be a witch. For real. And really powerful.
NORA/DEMON
Mm. Good choice. I get it. No daddy, no M.I.T. No plan. You get to be big and strong, and no one can tell you what to do anymore. There's just one small formality first. You got to meet the boss.
GARY
The boss?
NORA/DEMON
You know – your Satanic majesty, or whatever the kids are calling it these days.
GARY
The devil?
NORA/DEMON
Mm-hmm.
GARY
Uh... no. O-okay. Um, it's okay. I... don't really want to bother him.
NORA/DEMON
Oh, but he's gonna want to meet you. Relax. It'll be easy. He's just gonna ask you one little question, and all you got to do is say “yes”. And then, you get your reward.
DEAN swings at NORA/DEMON with a knife. She catches his arm, throws him to the ground and kicks him. DEAN looks at GARY.
GARY
Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus.
NORA/DEMON
What was that?
GARY
Uh, n-nothing.
NORA/DEMON
Were you trying exorcize me?! You little piece of crap! [She grabs GARY by the throat and lifts him off the ground.]
DEAN
Spiritus, omnis satanica potestas.
NORA/DEMON releases GARY and turns back to DEAN.
GARY
Omnis incursio infernalis adversii.
DEAN
Omnis congregatio.
GARY
Et secta diabolica.
DEAN
Ergo, draco maledicte.
GARY
Ecclesiam tuam securi tibi facias libertate servire.
DEAN
Te rogamus. Adios, bitch!
GARY
Uh, it’s "adinos.”
Black smoke pours from NORA/DEMON’s mouth.
NORA/DEMON
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
The smoke exits through a vent in the wall. NORA falls to the ground. GARY nods in a satisfied way to DEAN.
ACT FIVE
INT. TREVOR’S PARENTS’ HOUSE – NIGHT
NORA is sitting on a bed wrapped in a robe. DEAN watches GARY, who is sitting opposite SAM with spell ingredients between them.
GARY
Animae domum redeant. Fas atque nefas instauretur. Potestate et auctoritate, sic fiat.
GARY drops powder into the bowl between him and SAM, causing light to flare from it. When the light dies down, we see that GARY and SAM have changed places. SAM gets up and looks at himself in a mirror.
DEAN
So, we good?
SAM
Yeah. We're good. Oh, man, it's nice to be back.
GARY
Yeah. Awesome.
DEAN
So… [clears throat] Gary.
GARY
I know – my bad.
DEAN
"My bad"? Kid, "my bad" ain't gonna cut it. See, if you were of voting age... you'd be dead. Because we would kill you. So either you straighten up and fly right or we will kill you. Are we clear?
GARY
Crystal.
DEAN
Good.
EXT. STREET – NIGHT
The IMPALA pulls up outside GARY’S PARENTS’ HOUSE. SAM, GARY, DEAN and NORA get out.
GARY
Crap.
SAM
Gary, take it from someone who knows – chin up, man. Your life ain't that bad.
GARY
Uh, you met my parents.
SAM
Yeah. So what? It's your life. You don't like their plan for you, tell them to cram it. Rebel a little bit. In a healthy, non-Satanic way, of course. By the way, you know why Nora’s into witchcraft?
GARY
What do you mean?
SAM
She doesn't like Satan, you moron. She likes you.
GARY
Really? You think?
SAM
Yeah, I know. I'm telling you, kid – I wish I had your life.
GARY
You do? Thanks.
SAM
Get out of here.
GARY and NORA head for the house.
DEAN
That was a nice thing to say.
SAM
I totally lied. That kid's life sucked ass. [SAM and DEAN get into the IMPALA.] All that apple-pie, family crap? It's stressful. Trust me – we didn't miss a damn thing.
DEAN
Or we don't know what we're missing.
DEAN starts the engine. “Rock 'n' roll Never Forgets" plays loudly.
SAM
Oh, come on, man. Turn it down. [DEAN does so.]
DEAN
Welcome back, Kotter.
♪ rock 'n' roll never forgets ♪
♪ said you can come back, baby ♪
♪ rock 'n' roll never forgets ♪
♪ oh, come back, baby ♪
♪ rock 'n' roll never forgets ♪
END
