6.02 Two and a Half Men (Transcript)
Written by: Adam Glass
Directed by: John Showalter
Air Date: 03 October 2010
Contents
THEN
SAM
Hey, Dean. It's me.
DEAN
How long you been back, Sam?
SAM
About a year.
DEAN
You've been back practically this whole time?
SAM
You finally had what you wanted, Dean.
DEAN
I wanted my brother! Alive!
SAM
You wanted a family. You only gave it up because of the way we lived. But you had something and you were building something.
BOBBY
You got out, Dean! You walked away from the life. And it's as close to happiness as I've ever seen a hunter get.
SAM
I hooked up with some other people.
DEAN
You, working with strangers?
SAM
They're more like family. Gwen Campbell, Christian, and Mark.
DEAN
Campbell? Like...
CHRISTIAN
Like your mom.
SAMUEL
I'm your grandfather.
DEAN
Samuel? You can't be.
SAMUEL
We're guessing whatever pulled Sam up, pulled me down.
DEAN
But you don't know what that is.
SAMUEL
Bingo.
SAM
Shapeshifter. Something that can make itself look like anyone.
DEAN
Legends of creatures who can transform themselves into animals or other men. When the shapeshifter changes shape, maybe it sheds.
SAM
You coming with me?
DEAN
No, I'm going back for Lisa and Ben.
SAM
You'll be putting them in danger.
DEAN
So, what? It's better to leave them alone, unprotected, and then they're not in danger? I made them vulnerable the moment I knocked on their door. You keep in touch, you hear?
SAM
Of course.
NOW
INT. HOUSE - NIGHT
A fireplace. Pictures of a family line the mantle. A bloody hand enters the shot and smashes one of the framed pictures. The hand belongs to a woman, the WIFE in the picture, who is gasping for breath as she runs, holding a BABY to her chest. She runs up a flight of stairs and into a room. She closes the door and grabs a phone from a nearby table. She tries to call for help, but gets a dial tone. She hears footsteps outside the door and crawls under the bed with the BABY. She hears doors opening and closing through the house as the footsteps come closer. Boots can be seen stopping under the crack of the door. Once they move past, she looks on the other side of the bed, and sees her HUSBAND lying dead on the floor, his throat cut and bloody. She cries out and then covers her mouth. She hears nothing and then, without warning, she's pulled out from under the bed, screaming. The BABY is left under the bed as she continues to scream.
Act One
EXT. HOUSE - DAY
There is a "HOME FOR RENT" sign in the yard, mostly obscured by a "RENTED" sticker.
INT. GARAGE - DAY
The Impala is mostly covered by a tan tarp, but the trunk is clear. DEAN opens the trunk of the Impala and looks inside. He takes out his sawed-off shotgun, checks the rounds, and then puts it away. He closes the trunk, locks it, puts the keys in his toolbox, and lets the tarp settle back over the trunk of the Impala. He leaves the garage with a box labeled "KITCHEN."
INT. DEAN'S HOUSE - DAY
DEAN and LISA are unpacking boxes. BEN sits at a table, looking upset.
LISA
What's up?
BEN
Nothing.
LISA
At least wait until you've checked the place out before you hate it. Open mind, that's all I ask.
BEN
Yeah, all right.
BEN stands.
BEN (CONT'D)
I'll be back.
BEN walks towards his bike.
DEAN
Oh, hey. Where's the fire?
BEN
Just going to check out the block.
DEAN
And let your mom unpack the kitchen by herself? Come on.
LISA
We'll go for lunch later. Scope out the neighborhood. Right?
DEAN
Yeah, sounds like a plan. (to BEN) Come on, why don't you give me a hand?
DEAN and BEN leave the room together.
EXT. VICTIM'S HOUSE
Cop cars are on the street and policemen walk in and out of the front door of a house surround by crime scene tape. We hear indistinct radio chatter in the background. SAM is talking to a DETECTIVE. He holds a flyer for a missing child in his hand.
SAM
Where'd you find them?
DETECTIVE
We found the parents upstairs. Pretty brutal.
SAM
Break in?
DETECTIVE
No, alarm never went off.
SAM
Any leads on the baby?
DETECTIVE
None yet.
SAM
So what do you think? Think it's okay? Alive?
DETECTIVE
I did yesterday.
SAM
Thank you.
SAM walks up the path towards the house, ducking under the crime scene tape that blocks it off.
INT. DEAN'S HOUSE - DAY
The doorbell rings. DEAN opens the front door and we see a PIZZA DELIVERY MAN.
PIZZA DELIVERY MAN
Hi.
DEAN
Hey.
PIZZA DELIVERY MAN
One cheese, one everything?
DEAN
Yeah. Thank you.
DEAN takes the pizzas and pays the delivery man.
DEAN
There you go. Keep the change.
PIZZA DELIVERY MAN
Thanks.
DEAN
Thanks.
DEAN turns and sees LISA and BEN standing behind him.
DEAN
What?
LISA
I thought we were going out?
DEAN
Oh yeah, I forgot. I'm sorry.
LISA
Sure. I'll look for plates.
LISA leaves the room.
EXT. VICTIM'S HOUSE - DAY
SAM leaves the house. He is talking to SAMUEL on his cell phone.
SAM
Hey. So, I've been all over this. No sulfur. No EMF. I'm starting to think maybe it's not our kind of thing.
SAMUEL
Four couples slaughtered in one part of the state within days of each other. That's four babies taken from locked houses. Damn it! Explain to me how any version of that is natural.
SAM
No, no, I agree. It's awful. I'm just saying this one might be on the police.
SAMUEL
Okay, so either we've got monsters grabbing babies to make baby stew, or we've got a bunch of psychotic yocals grabbing babies to make baby stew. Either way, it's baby stew, which is bad.
SAM sighs.
SAMUEL
Am I boring you? You got someplace you need to be?
SAM
No, no, no, I get it.
SAMUEL
Good. You know, sometimes I wonder about you, Sam.
SAM
Sometimes I wonder about me, too.
SAMUEL
Well, I will go back over everything. See if there's anything we missed.
SAM sees a sign for "Harper Caine Security" in the front yard of the house.
SAM
Hey, the detective said the alarm in the house never went off. You mind taking a quick look - see if anyone else had a system from Harper Caine Security?
SAMUEL
Yeah, sure. Any chance I get to hop on a computer.
INT. DEAN'S GARAGE - DAY
DEAN enters the garage. The trunk of the Impala is open and BEN is holding DEAN's sawed-off shotgun.
DEAN
What the hell? Hey, hey, give me that.
DEAN takes the gun from BEN and puts it back in the trunk.
DEAN
What do you think you're doing?
BEN
I just wanted to see it.
DEAN
Listen to me. Don't ever open this trunk. Do you understand me?
BEN
Okay, sorry. But I don't get it. You had your own rifle when you were my age.
DEAN
Ben, mark my words. You will never, ever shoot a gun, ever.
BEN
I know what's going on. You think something might be coming for us.
DEAN
There's nothing coming for us.
BEN
I could do what you do. You could teach me how to shoot--
DEAN
Shut up about the freaking gun, okay!
BEN
Okay. Sorry. I'm sorry.
BEN leaves the garage and DEAN covers the trunk with the tarp again.
EXT. PARK - DAY
SAM is sitting on a park bench and reading a file. His cell phone rings and he answers it.
SAMUEL
You were right. Every family that got hit: Harper Caine Security. So I pulled the client records.
SAM
Right, to see if there's any other families who fit the profile.
SAMUEL
There is another happy couple walking and talking, 6 month old baby, like all the others.
SAM
What's the address?
INT. DEAN'S GARAGE - DAY
DEAN
Hey.
LISA
What happened? Ben's been locked in his room for hours. Says you yelled at him. What did he do?
DEAN
Nothing.
LISA
What did you do?
DEAN
He got into my tools. I shouldn't have got mad.
LISA
You want to talk about this?
DEAN
About?
LISA
Yelling at Ben? Keeping us in the house?
DEAN
I'm trying to keep us safe, here.
LISA
I'm not arguing, okay. You're the expert. I'm just asking. You said that you and your brother killed whatever was after us. And then... and then we moved just to be sure! So what is it, Dean? A monster? Or monsters in general?
DEAN
I don't know. Something might come.
LISA
What?
DEAN
I don't know, I can't predict what's come after me.
LISA
Well, I'm going to need some parameters. We have to live our lives here. I mean, at some point I have to work. Ben has school!
DEAN
But if something happens on my watch...
LISA
I know you're trying to protect us, but you're kind of scaring me a little, too.
LISA leaves the garage.
EXT. HOUSE - NIGHT
SAM pulls up in his car. He gets out, opens his trunk, and gets a gun and a flashlight. He walks up to the dark house. We see a "Harper Caine Security" sign in the yard. SAM jimmies the lock on the front door and enters the house. He finds the husband and wife dead and bloody in the living room. He follows bloody footprints further into the house, gun and flashlight raised. He checks a closet, but it is empty. A MAN barrels into him, disarming him and knocking him to the ground. SAM kicks him in the nose and knocks him back, which allows him to pull his knife. He slashes the MAN's arm, and the wound hisses and burns. The MAN flees. SAM checks the rest of the house, eventually entering the laundry room when he hears a noise. He looks under the folding table, and we see his surprised face.
INT. DEAN'S HOUSE - NIGHT
DEAN's cell phone rings. He answers it.
DEAN
Sam?
SAM is driving and talking on his cell phone.
SAM
I need your help. Now.
DEAN
What's wrong?
SAM
I'm working this job.
DEAN
Dude.
SAM
Look, I just need you with me on this, okay?
DEAN
I'm out. I'm staying out.
SAM
Make an exception.
DEAN
For what?
SAM
Look, I'm thirty minutes away and I will drive to your door if you don't meet me.
DEAN
And what's so nuts that you gotta threaten a damn drive by?
DEAN makes a surprised face.
EXT. ROAD - NIGHT
DEAN drives up to SAM's car in his truck. He gets out and walks towards SAM.
DEAN
Where is it?
SAM
Strapped down in the back seat.
DEAN looks in the back of Sam's car.
SAM
Welcome to the party, Guttenburg.
We see a BABY in the back seat.
Act Two
INT. DEAN'S HOUSE - DAY
DEAN
Okay, show me.
LISA
I've got it. We've been over this.
DEAN
Humor me.
LISA
Load clip. Pull slide. Safety off. Safety on.
DEAN
And salt the windows and the doors.
LISA
Of course.
DEAN
Maybe I shouldn't go.
LISA
It's okay. You want to go, so go.
DEAN
You know what, Sam can handle this.
LISA
Dean, no offense, but if you don't walk out that door, I'm going to shoot you.
DEAN grabs his duffle bag and zips it closed before throwing the strap over his shoulder.
DEAN
I bet you're missing your ex right about now. The uh, the boring one?
LISA
God, shut up. Just be careful, okay?
DEAN kisses LISA and goes to walk out the door
DEAN
Bye.
LISA
Bye.
EXT. ROAD - DAY
DEAN drives up to SAM's car in his truck, gets out, and pulls his duffle bag out of the truck bed.
DEAN
Alright, so what do we know about this thing?
SAM
Well, uh, it was fast and it freaked when I cut it with silver.
DEAN
Alright, so that narrows it down to...
SAM
A ghoul? A zombie, a shifter, or about a dozen other things.
DEAN
I don't recall seeing babynapping in the profiles.
SAM
Yeah, exactly.
SAM and DEAN get in the car.
INT. SAM'S CAR - DAY
DEAN looks back at the BABY.
DEAN
Well feel free to speak up if you know anything.
SAM starts the car and it makes a continual dinging sound.
SAM
Seatbelt.
DEAN
What am I, in third grade? A car should drive, not be a little bitch.
The BABY cries out and DEAN and SAM look back at it. The BABY farts.
DEAN
Yeah, don't take it personal.
DEAN looks at SAM.
DEAN
Well, we need to get some supplies.
SAM
I've got an arsenal in the trunk.
DEAN
Not that kind.
INT. STORE - DAY
DEAN walks next to SAM, who pushes a grocery cart down a store aisle. The BABY is in a baby seat in the front of the cart.
DEAN
Alright, I'm pretty sure that there's some kind of paste or jelly you're supposed to put on their butt.
SAM grabs a box off the shelf.
SAM
Like uh... like that?
DEAN
Yeah, grab that.
DEAN grabs a box of diapers and puts it in the cart.
SAM
So how do you know all this?
DEAN
Lisa has a baby niece, so I've been on a few milk runs.
SAM
Huh.
DEAN
Shut it.
SAM
I just said "huh."
DEAN
I just said "shut it."
The BABY starts fussing.
DEAN
Alright, we gotta get moving. We've got the waterworks in like, T-minus ten.
SAM
Yeah, okay.
DEAN
Go.
IINT. STORE - CHECKOUT LINE - DAY
The BABY is crying loudly. CUSTOMERS are disapproving. SAM loads groceries on the counter for checkout while DEAN tries to calm the BABY.
DEAN
Shh... shh... Come on, hang in there buddy. Hang in there, man.
SAM
Dean, make it stop.
DEAN
How?
SAM
Everyone's staring at us like we're child abusers! Feed it!
DEAN
We fed it!
SAM
Then what?
DEAN
I don't know. You think I speak baby? Maybe he needs a diaper change.
SAM
Oh God, I hope not.
DEAN takes the BABY out of it's baby seat and holds it awkwardly. He tries to check if it's diaper needs changing. The BABY continues to cry and DEAN mimics it. A WOMAN approaches them.
WOMAN
Aw... what's the matter? What's his name?
DEAN
Bobby.
SAM
John.
DEAN
Bobby John.
WOMAN
Hi, Bobby John. Aren't you handsome? May, I?
DEAN
Oh, oh uh...
The WOMAN takes BOBBY JOHN in her arms and it settles down.
WOMAN
I see now, Bobby John's a little wet. No offense, you two look exhausted. I don't mind. Lord knows I've changed a million diapers.
DEAN sees the WOMAN's eyes flare in a security camera feed behind him. She is a SHAPESHIFTER.
DEAN
That's a really nice offer, thank you, but um... I think we've got it.
SHAPESHIFTER
Oh, it's nothing. Happy to help.
DEAN
Give me the baby before I stab you in your neck.
SAM
Dean!
DEAN points behind him and SAM sees from the camera feed that she is a SHAPESHIFTER.
The SHAPESHIFTER runs away with BOBBY JOHN. SAM and DEAN give chase. DEAN tries to grab her, but the flesh of her arm sheds off in his hand. SAM runs into her and takes BOBBY JOHN before running outside. DEAN then tackles the SHAPESHIFTER to the ground and pulls out his knife.
SHAPESHIFTER
Help me!
A STORE MANAGER approaches.
STORE MANAGER
Hey!
SHAPESHIFTER
He's hurting me!
STORE MANAGER
Get off of her!
The STORE MANAGER pulls DEAN off of the SHAPESHIFTER.
DEAN
Okay, alright. Alright.
DEAN puts away the knife, then runs out of the store.
EXT. STORE - DAY
DEAN Gets into SAM's car.
DEAN
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
SAM drives away quickly. The SHAPESHIFTER runs outside and watches them leave. She sees the license plate number on SAM's car.
INT. SAM'S CAR - DAY
DEAN is trying to strap BOBBY JOHN in his car seat while SAM drives.
DEAN
The hell does a shifter want with a baby, anyway?
SAM
You tell me.
DEAN
And how the hell did it find us?
DEAN struggles with the baby seat.
DEAN (CONT'D)
Who designed this thing? NASA?
SAM
You know, it could have been following me this whole time. Since the baby's house.
DEAN
Alright, you know, we got to get off the road. Get Bobby John here someplace safe. Figure this thing out. Okay, alright, shh, shh. Easy, kid.
EXT. POLICE CAR - DAY
A POLICE OFFICER sits in his patrol car. His driver side door is open and he is on his radio.
DISPATCH
Charlie 86, go ahead.
POLICE OFFICER
I need a 10-28 on Illinois plates I as in India, 4 Zulu Oscar 8 9 2.
DISPATCH
Copy, 86. Stand by.
The camera pans to the left and we see the real POLICE OFFICER dead in the passenger seat of the patrol car. The man talking on the radio was the SHAPESHIFTER. The passenger side door is open and there is a pile of shed skin on the ground next to it.
INT. MOTEL - DAY
DEAN is changing BOBBY JOHN'S diaper on a motel bed.
DEAN
Okay, alright, you know what? I'll pay you money if you sit still.
DEAN
This is like defusing an IED, with poop! Okay, alright, alright, alright, you are golden, Bobby John. Time to hit the hay.
DEAN picks up Bobby John and hums "Smoke on the Water" as he carries him over to a crib.
SAM
Dean, you're just going to make it cranky again.
DEAN
Shh, it's working. Okay, if I put you down, you gonna be a man about it?
DEAN puts BOBBY JOHN down in the crib. BOBBY JOHN goes to sleep.
SAM
Huh.
DEAN
What?
SAM
You're just, uh, actually, not awful at that.
DEAN
Dude, I'm barely keeping that thing alive.
SAM
No, no, no, seriously. You've got a whole Dr. Huxtable vibe coming off of you. You're like... father material.
DEAN
Yeah, well I kind of had to be lately, you know. Sink or swim, right?
SAM
You mean Ben.
DEAN
Yeah, I mean Ben. I mean, I know he's not my kid, but I don't know, I'm starting to feel like yeah, he is. Then I think about the way we grew up, I don't know, I kind of feel like I have a chance to do something different with Ben, you know?
SAM
You sure about that?
DEAN
What do you mean?
SAM
Look, you clearly care about the kid.
DEAN
But?
SAM
But moving them around? Keeping them on lockdown? I mean, you do have them on lockdown, right? How is any of that different from how we were raised?
DEAN
So you're saying... I'm not shoving anybody into this life, okay? This is temporary.
SAM
Dad always said it was temporary, Dean. He said it for 22 years. Look, I get it. You want to watch out for them. That's great. I'm just asking, how do you do that and not turn into Dad?
DEAN is quiet. SAM looks at the papers on the table in front of him.
SAM
Crap. I can't believe I missed this.
DEAN
What?
SAM
This house on Elm. The mother was killed, baby was grabbed, but daddy wasn't living in the house at the time so he's still alive. What do you say we go and have a chat?
DEAN
I say let's.
DEAN and SAM both look at BOBBY JOHN, who is still lying in his crib.
DEAN
You go.
SAM
You sure?
DEAN
Unless you've got a badge for Bobby John, yeah, I'm sure.
SAM leaves the room and BOBBY JOHN starts to cry. DEAN puts a finger in his drink and reaches down into BOBBY JOHN's crib. BOBBY JOHN quiets.
DEAN
It's good, isn't it?
EXT. AUTO SHOP - DAY
SAM is questioning a MAN in coveralls.
MAN
I just, I still can't believe it. I mean, it's one thing to die like that. The poor baby, just into thin air. No thanks to you guys.
SAM
Well, that's why I'm here. You had filed for divorce? It's important, I'm sorry.
MAN
She, uh. She cheated on me, and, well, I caught her.
SAM
And did you know the other man?
MAN
No, I mean, I didn't "catch her" catch her, but she lied to me.
SAM
Okay.
MAN
We hadn't, you know, in a while, and then she's pregnant.
SAM
And what did she say?
MAN
She said it was mine. I know. And I said that's impossible and what is she talking about. And she says don't you remember when you went out of town and then you came back early?
SAM
But you didn't.
MAN
No. I was at a damn softball tournament. Whoever he was, he's the father.
INT. MOTEL - DAY
BOBBY JOHN is lying in his crib. DEAN is on the motel bed, enjoying the "Magic Fingers" vibrations. He hears a sound and BOBBY JOHN starts crying. Blood and skin are on the wall above the crib. As DEAN gets up off the bed, his cell phone rings and he answers it.
DEAN
Yeah?
SAM
I talked to the father. He checks out. But the baby...
DEAN
Yeah.
SAM
I think the shapeshifter is his dad.
DEAN picks up BOBBY JOHN and holds him at arm's length. BOBBY JOHN is now black. He looks like the baby that was on the nearby box of diapers.
DEAN
You think?
Act Three
Partial transcript by Crossroadsdemon on 10/8/10.
