9.13 The Purge (transcript)
Written by: Eric Charmelo & Nicole Snyder
Directed by: Phil Sgriccia
Air Date: February 4, 2014TEASER
[Scene opens with the tagline "Stillwater, Minnesota" on a black screen. The sound of an crowd counting down.]
CROWD
15, 14, 13, 12...
[Suddenly we are at a Hotdog Eating Contest and two contestants, one large man and one thin man, on stage are still chowing through their hotdogs.]
11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5...
REFEREE [yells to the larger contestant]
No chipmunking allowed! Swallow or you're disqualified!
CROWD
...2, 1...
[Buzzer, whistle blows. The crowd cheers and the REFEREE counts the hotdogs still left and then announces the winner by holding up the large man's hand]
REFEREE
Looks like we got a winner!
LARGE MAN
Yeah!
THIN MAN
He cheated!
LARGE MAN
Hey, back off, Skeletor. I won fair and square.
THIN MAN
Like hell you did, Jabba! I saw you slip a hot dog in your pocket!
LARGE MAN
Well, I hate to break it to you, pal, but that's no hot dog.
CROWD
Ohh!
[The LARGE MAN laughs and then he is handed his trophy and winner's check for $1,000.00. The THIN MAN storms off the stage.]
[Later the LARGE MAN gets into his car with his trophy. He laughs in glee and then pulls the extra hotdog out of his pants. He takes a large bite still laughing in triumph. He hears a sound and looks around. Seeing nothing he goes back to eating. A dark figure sits up behind him on the back seat and the LARGE MAN is jerked back and starts to choke. His face starts to shrink and then his chest and belly. All of his extra pounds look to be sucked away and he dies in the seat. The scene ends with an outside shot of his bumper with a sticker on it which says "Bacon makes everything better."
TITLE CARD
ACT ONE
[Scene opens in the Bunker's kitchen. DEAN is sitting at his laptop with his head in his right hand staring at the screen. SAM enters.]
SAM
Hey.
DEAN [barely looks up and raspy answers]
Hey.
SAM [without much concern]
You go to bed last night?
DEAN [Clears throat]
What? Uh, no. No, "Rudy" was on. "Unforgiven," and then I was too jacked to sleep, so...research.
SAM [still rummaging around the kitchen getting breakfast]
Gadreel?
DEAN
And Metatron and the mark of Cain and...
[he looks up and realizes SAM isn't really paying attention]
...Crickets.
I did find us a case, though.
SAM
Oh, yeah?
DEAN
Yeah, was a strange death in Stillwater, Minnesota. A competitive eater died after a hot dog-eating contest.
SAM
So, what? Death by tube steak?
DEAN
If only. He got attacked in his car, but, uh, get this -- he shrunk from 300 pounds to 90 pounds.
SAM
Witchcraft?
DEAN
Or a heavy-duty laxative. You game?
SAM
Yeah.
DEAN
Good. Looks like it's a whore's bath for me. I'll be ready in five.
[DEAN gets up to leave but SAM stops him in the doorway]
SAM
You sure you're okay, Dean?
DEAN
Why wouldn't I be?
SAM
'Cause -- I don't know you... This isn't about what I said the other day, is it?
DEAN
Oh, about that we're not supposed to be brothers? No, don't flatter yourself. I don't break that easy.
SAM
Oh, good, 'cause I was just being honest.
DEAN [sarcastically as he leaves]
Oh, yeah. No, I got that loud and clear.
[Scene starts with the Winchesters are in a Police Station dressed as FBI. SHERIFF DONNA HANSCUM comes over with two reports and hands one to SAM.]
SHERIFF DONNA
Thanks for your patience, agents. Coroner's report finally came in.
SAM
All right, thank you. All right, let's see. Did Wayne McNut really weigh 300 pounds just moments before time of death?
SHERIFF DONNA
316 to be exact.
SAM
And the official cause of death?
SHERIFF DONNA
Cardiac arrest. But between you and me, that's just a guess. The vic suffered massive organ damage.
[She turns around and hands the other report to a girl at a desk]
Here you go, Jenny. Ruptured spleen, pierced liver, collapsed lung. Looked like everything was just sucked right out of him.
[She pours herself a cup of coffee]
DEAN
Like he'd been hoovered?
SHERIFF DONNA
Yeah. Yeah, you know, I got to be honest, fellas -- hm?
[She takes a powdered donut out of a box and offers them one. DEAN gladly walks over and grabs one for himself]
We're stumped. This type of thing just doesn't happen in Stillwater.
[The SHERIFF takes a big bite of her powdered donut and it covers her mouth and black tie with white powered sugar.]
SAM [looking at the report]
Now, did Wayne have any enemies?
SHERIFF DONNA
Hmm. More like an unfriendly rivalry.
[DEAN takes a huge bite out of his donut and white powder covers his lips and face.]
SHERIFF DONNA
A guy named "Slim Jim" Morgan. Like Wayne, he was pretty well-known in the competitive-eatin' circuit.
[SAM looks up from the report and notices DEAN's face. He tries to subtlety motion DEAN to wipe his face and DEAN wipes the side of his mouth; taking off exactly none of the powdered sugar. SAM tries to stay focused on the SHERIFF.]
SAM
Competitive-eating circuit? Is that a big thing out here?
SHERIFF DONNA
Oh, yeah. You betcha. Folks take it real seriously -- train for months. Eat all sorts of wackadoo stuff, you know, like, uh... Baked beans, buff wings, butter.
DEAN
Butter?
SHERIFF DONNA
Yeah. Sometimes deep-fried.
DEAN [taking another huge bite and spreading more powder everywhere]
Hm.
SHERIFF DONNA
This year alone, Wayne won the Butter Bowl, the Wing Ding, and Shrimptasia. Anyhoo, point being, Wayne McNut was the only one Slim Jim couldn't beat in the whole Great Lakes region.
DEAN
So is he a suspect?
SHERIFF DONNA
We checked him out, but Slim Jim was in the Hot Doggery at the time of Wayne's death, and we got 15 witnesses to prove it.
DEAN
Really?
SHERIFF DONNA
Yah.
[DEAN and the SHERIFF exchange looks and then take simultaneous bites of their donuts and chew contentedly.]
[Scene changes to the brothers interviewing SLIM JIM MORGAN in his house. He is eating a gigantic bowl of lettuce.]
SLIM JIM [with his mouth full]
Training. When I gear up for a competition, I eat lettuce -- stretches the stomach.
DEAN [grossed out]
Yet another reason to stay away from salads.
SAM
How well did you know Wayne McNut?
SLIM JIM
Well, well enough to know he was a weasel and a cheat. I hate to say it, but, uh, karma's a bitch.
DEAN [looking at a shelf full of spell jars and funny shaped boxes]
This is interesting.
SLIM JIM
Mala's good-luck charms.
DEAN
And Mala is...?
SLIM JIM
My old lady.
DEAN
Is your old lady superstitious?
SLIM JIM
Yah. She's Romanichal.
DEAN [confused]
Romanichal?
SAM
Gypsy.
SLIM JIM
But don't call her that. She says it's reductive. But I think it's a compliment. I mean, gypsies are all the rage on TV --"My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding," "Gypsy Sisters"..."Keeping up with the Kardashians."
SAM
Um [Clears throat] you mind if I use your bathroom?
SLIM JIM
Yeah, go ahead. But use the one upstairs at the back. Mala's taking a shower in ours.
SAM [leaving]
Right.
DEAN
Did you really lose the "Wiener Winner" by one dog?
SLIM JIM
Yah.
[SAM walks into SLIM JIM and MALA's room. The shower is running so he takes a look around. SAM notices a hex bag on the nightstand. The show stops and MALA walks out of the bathroom, but SAM is gone and so is the hex bag.]
[Back in the kitchen]
DEAN
And what are we talkin'? Six inches? Foot-long?
SLIM JIM
Look, agent. Am I a suspect here or what? 'Cause unless you got a warrant --
SAM [returns and clears his throat]
You, uh, ready to go?
DEAN
Yeah. Uh, Mr. Morgan, thank you for your time. If you remember anything else, this is our number and
where we're staying locally.
[DEAN hands SLIM JIM their card and they leave.]
[Back at the motel, DEAN picks up the pieces of the hex bag on the table. There is human hair and marbles and other weird things.]
DEAN
All right, so, we got what appears to be Wayne McNut's hair and... a bag full of weird.
SAM [reading from the laptop]
In Romanichal culture, the pouch is called a putsi bag. It's used for hexes.
DEAN
Okay, so, what? Mala's putting hexes on hubby's competition?
[SAM shruggs]
I mean, what do we got ourselves? A "thinner" sitch here?
SAM
Slim Jim might not even know.
DEAN
Hm.
[There is a knock on door. The boys exchange looks and DEAN gets up and draws his gun. He looks through the peephole and shruggs. He opens the door and it is MALA. She smiles]
DEAN
Hi.
MALA
I believe you have something of mine.
[Few minutes later, MALA is sitting in the hotel room and DEAN hands her a glass of water.]
MALA
Kill Wayne? I loved him!
SAM
So...you were...
MALA
Yes. Okay? We were having an affair -- for years, actually.
DEAN
I don't mean to be rude, uh... But how is it that Wayne McNut is your type? I mean, you're married to a man who's barely a buck -- wet.
MALA
What can I say? Sometimes it's nice to feel a little give...
DEAN
Oh. Yeah, I get that -- a little extra cushion for the, uh...
[SAM shoots him a bitchface glare and DEAN stops awkwardly.]
SAM [trying to regain the conversation]
Help me understand something. If you loved Wayne, why did you put a curse on him?
MALA
It wasn't a curse. Putsi bags are also used for blessings. I wanted Wayne to win. Plan was, take the prize money, get a quickie divorce, and then tie the knot in Orlando. [quietly] Wayne used to call me his "Princess Jasmine."
[DEAN smiles almost wistfully but quickly hides it when SAM looks over.]
[Scene changes to a lone girl working out at a gym late at night. She finished her bike workout and walks over to the scale to weigh herself. She steps on the scale and it reads 180 pounds. She looks very discouraged.]
GIRL
I gained weight? How is that even possible?
[There is a noise behind her and she steps off the scale and turns around.]
Hello? Anyone there?
[sighs]
Let's try this again.
[She steps back on the scale but it still reads 180 pounds. Suddenly she is hit from behind with a dumbbell. She falls onto the scale. We hear a sucking noise as the camera stays on the scale monitor and the poundage starts to drop dramatically to 74 pounds. We see her shrunken body.]
ACT TWO
[The next morning SAM and DEAN and the police are at the crime scene in the gym. DEAN is looking at the body.]
SAM
Any idea what the vic weighed beforehand?
OFFICER
165
DEAN
So...180. Known fact -- all women lie about their weight and age.
SAM
Wait, you told that waitress the other day you were 29.
DEAN
Mm-hmm.
OFFICER
Need anything else, agents?
SAM
Yeah, is Sheriff Hanscum around?
OFFICER
Sorry. She's out for the rest of the week. Hell of a time to take a vacation, right?
SAM
Okay, so, we have two victims, with seemingly nothing in common except, uh --
DEAN
a love for eclairs. Check this out.
[They both bend down to look at the body and DEAN pulls up her shirt a little to reveal a large, circular red mark.]
DEAN
What is that? A birthmark?
SAM
Huh. So the weight had to come off somehow, right? What if it's a suction mark?
DEAN
A suction mark? Okay. Uh, changeling?
SAM
Yeah, but changelings only take over kids. Neither of the vics had any.
DEAN
And we don't know if Wayne McNut had a suction mark.
SAM
Unless we missed it.
DEAN [noticing a hot girl walking in and talking to an officer.]
Yeah. Well, we should, uh, split up. One of us should hit the morgue. The other should stay here and question the staff.
SAM [noticing what DEAN is staring at]
I'll stay.
DEAN
Ain't gonna happen.
SAM
Why?
DEAN
Because you're weird around girls.
SAM
What does that mean, weird?
DEAN
You're awkward. You know, weird -- Sam Weird. Sorry, man. I'm just... being honest.
[DEAN walks away and SAM sighs]
[LATER. DEAN is talking to the hot gym girl]
DEAN
So, you were scheduled to close the gym last night?
GYM GIRL
Yeah, but I didn't exactly lock up. Carol was still working out, and [sighs] I had a date. I didn't want to shortchange her, you know? I mean, the poor girl has been working so hard to lose weight for her wedding. I slipped her the key, and I told her to lock up on her way out.
[She starts to cry. When she leans over the counter to grab a tissue her shirt rides up and DEAN notices the same red suction mark on her back.]
GYM GIRL
Oh, it's all my fault.
[Back at the hotel, DEAN is sitting on the bed with his back to the headboard and the laptop on his lap. SAM enters.]
SAM
Hey.
DEAN
Find anything at the morgue?
SAM
Yeah. Uh, so, Wayne was banged up pretty bad. But on the back of his neck, just below his hairline... suction mark -- identical to Carol's.
DEAN
Okay, so, they both had marks, just like the hot trainer at Rollz.
SAM
But she was skinny...and alive.
DEAN
And just recently lost a ton of weight. When I asked her about the mark, she, uh -- she clammed up, got all embarrassed. So, uh, I did some checking. And it turns out that she took a couple of "me" days last month and went here.
[DEAN turns to laptop around so SAM can see a website advertising a day spa called Canyon Valley.]
SAM
Canyon Valley?
DEAN
Hm. Yeah.
[DEAN pushes play on a promo video. Mid-tempo music plays and a voiceover with a female Peruvian accent "When you look in the mirror, do you recognize the fat person staring back at you? Have you tried every fad diet, every fitness trend out there, but nothing seems to work? Here at Canyon Valley, we guarantee weight loss with no surgery.. No extreme dieting...and no intensive workout regimen. Guaranteed results in one week! You CAN reach your weight-loss goals. We did. But only if you reach for the phone and call Canyon Valley...Now."]
SAM
How far away is that place?
DEAN
Couple of hours.
[The IMPALA is seen driving up into the Canyon Valley Spa. Then SAM and DEAN are being interviewed by the two people from the promo video. A tall man, LARRY, and his wife MARITZA.]
SAM
We were really, really moved by the online testimonials.
DEAN
Oh, yeah. That was some powerful stuff.
MARITZA
And you boys are both certified personal trainers?
DEAN
Yeah. Yeah, personal training brothers. Kind of like Hans and Franz, but, uh, less German.
LARRY
And you're certified in...
DEAN
Makin' people sweat! Yeah. Kickin' ass and takin' names! [He slams his hand on the table] That's how we do!
SAM
Uh...Uh, to clarify, uh, what my brother's trying to say is, we both have a passion for fitness and helping people.
MARTIZA
Oh, us too. In fact, that's how we first met.
LARRY
I was Maritza's first client back in Peru. I was on a student visa -- homesick, stressed, eating my troubles away.
MARTIZA
Oh, he was the size of a casa.
LARRY
Oh, it's true! I was one empanada away from a heart attack. But then this... gorgeous godsend made me the lean, mean, fighting machine I am today.
[LARRY goes crazy with some kungfu fighting techniques.]
DEAN
Ho! Oh...
LARRY
But I digress. Now, the good news is, we are hiring. The bad news is, there's only one trainer position available.
[He looks at DEAN]
How do you feel about working in another department?
DEAN
Huh?
[Scene changes to a shot of the back of someone's head looking out over the lunch room at Canyon Valley. When the person turns around, it is DEAN wearing a hairnet. Sam approaches from the hallway dressed in a tan-top and workout shorts.]
DEAN [smirking]
Nice shorts.
SAM [quickly shoots back]
Nice hairnet.
DEAN
Yeah, why do I got to be the lunch lady?
SAM
Since when have you ever complained about being around food?
DEAN
Okay, this is not food.
[Another kitchen staffer named ALONSO gets DEAN's attention.]
Hey, new guy. Quit flirtin' with the trainer and keep scoopin', huh?
[DEAN glares at him. SAM checks his watch.]
SAM
It's all right. My, uh...Ashtanga yoga class starts in five minutes.
DEAN
How the hell do you know anything about yoga?
SAM
You're not the only one who's ever dated someone bendy. [he leaves]
RANDOM LUNCH PERSON [to DEAN]
Hey, you have any oatmeal?
DEAN [Chuckles]
Yeah, I wish. No, but we have, uh, something that's tofu over there. I -- what is that? It's a pancake. It's tofu.
[Scene changes to SHERIFF DONNA and MARITZA entering a treatment room at the spa. SHERIFF DONNA is wearing a robe which she takes off to lie on a table.]
SHERIFF DONNA
I feel like a baby asking this, but...Will the treatment hurt?
MARTIZA
Not at all. The only drawback of cupping is, it leaves a suction mark. It can bruise a little.
SHERIFF
Cupping?
MARTIZA
Yes, ancient Chinese secret. All the celebrities do it. It draws out toxins, boosts metabolism. You'll feel good.
SHERIFF DONNA [Exhales deeply]
Who knew? [Yawns] Oh, excuse me. It's just so relaxing in here.
MARITZA
It's the aromatherapy. The lavender really packs a punch.
[MARITZA heats up a glass bulb and sets it on SHERIFF DONNA's back.]
SHERIFF DONNA
Huh. Ahh. Geez. That's wa-a-a-rm.
[SHERIFF DONNA slowly falls asleep as MARITZA heats and lays another 4 bulbs on her back. When she can hear her snoring soundly, MARITZA suddenly opens her mouth and a long translucent suction tube slithers out and starts to suck fat out of SHERIFF DONNA's back.]
ACT THREE
[Scene opens with DEAN in the kitchen. He is leaning against a counter and typing on his phone. ALONSA is buttering some kale on a tray but looks up to see DEAN slacking. He throws a towel at him hitting DEAN in the neck. DEAN jerks upright.]
ALONSO
Flojo. You got time to lean, you got time to clean, huh?
DEAN [annoyed. Starts wiping the counter.]
I'm starving. What do we get to eat?
ALONSO
Same as the clients.
DEAN
They expect us to eat this rabbit food?
ALONSO
It's not rabbit food. It's super food.
DEAN [mumbling]
I'm not eating it.
ALONSO [Sighs and sets a bowl of orange-colored pudding next to DEAN with a bunch of empty bowls.]
At Canyon Valley, we're supposed to lead by example.
DEAN
This is leading by example?
ALONSO
It's not for us, stupido. It's for the clients. They're allowed to have pudding on their spa day. It's like a -- a last hurrah before the real work starts. Get to work.
[ALONSO walks off
[DEAN sighs and starts to fill the bowls with pudding. He looks around to make sure no one is watching and then takes a small mouthfull of the pudding.]
DEAN [to himself]
Mm. What do you know? Looks like it's my "spa day," too.
[He chuckles lightly and slips a bowl of pudding into his apron.]
[Scene changes to SAM and his Yoga class. Tranquil music plays.]
SAM
Okay, good job, guys. Go to, uh... Downward dog. [Grunts as he shows them.] Hold for five minutes.
YOGA STUDENT
Five minutes? It's usually 30 seconds.
SAM
Right. Yeah, 30 seconds. That's what -- that's what I mean. Okay, uh, I'll just come around, make sure everybody's form is okay...
[as everyone's shirts ride up because of the upsidedown position, SAM notices that they all have suction marks on their backs.]
...make sure you're, uh, keeping your cores tight, and, uh, your -- uh, good job. Great. Straighten that back out.
[DEAN has hid away in some small pantry to eat his contraband pudding. He looks very please with himself.]
DEAN
Mmm. Mm.
[DEAN tries to stand up when he is finished and he suddenly turns pale and sways sideways. He then completely loses consciousness and falls to the floor.]
[SAM is greeting everyone as they leave his Yoga class]
SAM
Well done today! Good job! Good work, guys! Good work! Okay. Good work. See you all soon. Good job.
[LARRY comes down the hallway towards SAM wheeling a pretty loopy SHERIFF DONNA in a wheelchair.]
LARRY
How was class?
SAM
It was, uh...great. Yeah.
SHERIFF DONNA
Agent Frehley? What are you doing here?
LARRY [questioningly]
Agent Frehley?
SAM
Uh, I-I-I don't know. She must be pretty out of it, huh?
[SAM's cellphone rings]
Oh, excuse me. Sorry. I got to get this. Have a good one.
[Answers]
Yeah?
DEAN [Slurred]
Sammy.
SAM
Dean? What's wrong with you?
DEAN [is face down and limbs tangled on the floor of the pantry]
I need your help.
SAM
Where are you? Dean?!
DEAN [squinting to see a label on a bag that reads Sweet Potatoes.]
Sweet potatoes!! Sw...
[DEAN loses consciousness again and his phone drops to the floor.]
[SAM runs through the back hallways of the resort looking for his brother. He starts to check doors.]
Dean? Dean!
Dean?
Dean! [starting to panic]
DEAN [from behind a door]
Sammy.
SAM [bursts in the door and sees his brother still halfway out on the floor. He runs up and slaps his shoulders]
Dean! Hey! Hey! Wake up!
DEAN [Groans]
What took you so long?
SAM
What the hell happened?!
DEAN
I was drugged.
SAM
Dru-- what?
DEAN [still loopy and lying on his stomach]
Pudding. It was supposed to be for the clients, but I couldn't resist.
SAM [picks up the bowl and smells it]
What, salted caramel?
DEAN
Yeah, man. The best of both worlds -- salty and sweet.
SAM
Right. Uh...All right, you stay here.
DEAN
No, no, I'm gonna come with you. [He tries to get up to follow SAM but has no balance. He falls back to the floor.] Go ahead, man. I'll catch up!
SAM [rushing into the kitchen and address the Chef.]
Hey. Did you make the pudding?
CHEF
Depends.
SAM
On what?
CHEF
Whether you liked it or not.
SAM [angrily slams him up against a fridge]
What's in it?!
CHEF
Relax, Jack Lalanne. It's low-cal. Nonfat milk, sea salt --
SAM [still yelling]
No, no. Not the ingredients. The something extra.
CHEF
Chill, man. Supplements, okay?
[Back in the pantry, DEAN is sitting up but looks like he has a monster headache.]
DEAN
What kind of supplements?
SAM [handing him an energy drink which DEAN open and drinks]
Here. Hey. To boost metabolism, per Larry and Maritza.
DEAN [looking in the supplement bottle]
These aren't "supplements", they're roofies.
SAM
What? How do you know what roofies look like?
DEAN
How do you not know? You think I want to end up in a hotel bathtub with my kidney carved out? In Chechnya?
[Groans] Did you find anything out in the yoga?
SAM
Yeah. Yeah. "Invasion of the Body Snatchers." Every single person in class had one of those freaky-ass suction marks.
DEAN
What the hell's goin' on here?
[Scene changes to the Winchesters talking to SHERIFF DONNA in her room.]
SHERIFF DONNA
You know, I didn't mean to bail on you fellas, but I've been waiting over six months to get into Canyon Valley. And let me tell ya, it was worth it. I already lost 10 pounds!
SAM
In -- in one day?
DEAN
No offense, Sheriff -- 'cause you look great -- um, but aren't you the least bit curious as to how you dropped 10 in a day?
SHERIFF DONNA
Well, to tell you the truth, Agent, I don't really give a flyin' fudge. [Chuckles] My husband, Doug, left me last year 'cause he said I loved cookie-dough milkshakes more than him.
SAM
Sorry to hear that.
DEAN
Yeah, Doug's a dick. You deserve better.
SHERIFF DONNA
Thanks. But he was right. That was a dark time for me. Whoever said you eat your pain? Not me. I guzzled it. [Laughs] Anyhoo...I guess I just wanted to feel pretty again. And Canyon Valley did that. Only question is...What are you doing here?
DEAN
We're, uh, uh... We're undercover.
SHERIFF DONNA [smiling]
Yeah. Sort of got that.
DEAN
We think that there's a connection between Canyon Valley and the murders in town.
SHERIFF DONNA
What kind of connection?
SAM
Suction marks.
SHERIFF DONNA
You mean like this? [She pulls up her shirt in the back and shows them her suction mark.]
SAM
Yeah. Where did that come from?
SHERIFF DONNA
My spa treatment. Cupping.
DEAN
Cupping?
SHERIFF DONNA
Yeah. You know, I thought it was gonna hurt, but honestly, I snoozed through the whole thing. By the time I woke up, I was down two dress sizes.
DEAN
Before the cupping, did you eat any pudding?
SHERIFF DONNA [Laughs]
Darn tootin'. Licked the bowl clean.
SAM
Donna, do you remember who did this treatment?
SHERIFF DONNA
Oh, yah. You betcha.
[LARRY rushes through the lunch room to his wife who is sitting with a client. He addresses the client.]
LARRY
Evelyn, you are looking great. Just 10 more pounds till your goal weight. Do you mind if I borrow my wife for a sec?
MARITZA
I'll be back.
LARRY [to a random table]
Looking good, ladies.
LADIES
Thank you.
[LARRY pulls MARITZA into the entryway]
The new guys aren't personal trainers.
MARITZA
What are you talking about?
LARRY
I did a little digging. I found this in their glove compartment. [He pulls out the fake ID box]
MARITZA
They're Feds?
LARRY
Worse. They're hunters.
MARITZA
Why are hunters here?
LARRY [holding up the news article about WAYNE MCNUT]
Maybe because of this.
MARITZA
Oh, my God. Do you think --
LARRY
I do.
MARITZA
What are we going to do?
LARRY
Relax. I'll take care of it. Just get rid of the evidence.
[Scene switches to an inside shot of a refrigerator filled to the brim with containers of human fat. MARITZA starts taking them out and dumping them in the trash. She is tempted to eat one but startles when she hears a sound behind her. DEAN stands there with his gun drawn.]
DEAN
Okay, I'm no health nut, but that is just wrong.
[He ties her to a chair.]
All right, talk.
MARITZA
This isn't what you think. I'm not a killer.
DEAN
Well, then, what are you?
MARITZA
I'm a Pishtaco.
DEAN [highly confused]
A fish taco?
MARITZA
A Pishtaco. It means "Peruvian fat sucker".
DEAN
Never heard of it. So, what, you're like vamps with a sweet tooth for cellulite?
MARITZA
Vampires kill. We're just... Parasites.
DEAN [sarcastically]
Oh, well, in that case --
MARTIZA
Look, I would never hurt anybody! Okay, this -- this is why Larry and I started Canyon Valley. We could help people lose weight, and I could feed. It was a win-win.
DEAN
Yeah, except for the two you dysoned to death.
MARITZA
That wasn't me.
DEAN
Well, then who was it?
MARITZA
Alonso.
DEAN
The dude from the cafeteria?
MARITZA
He's my brother.
[LARRY confronts ALONSO in the kitchen.]
LARRY
I knew you were a lost cause. Unlike your sister, you're weak.
ALONSO
Good to see you, too, Larry.
LARRY
How could you do this to her? To us?
ALONSO
Do what?
LARRY [Scoffs and holds up the article again]
This.
ALONSO
Oh, that.
LARRY
Oh yeah, that. You know what that means? Huh? Now there are hunters here!
ALONSO
It's your fault, blanco! If you didn't starve me, maybe --
LARRY
Listen, freak! Your sister and I spent years building this operation. And if you think I'm gonna let your gluttony destroy it, you got another thing coming. I want you out. Now.
ALONSO
I'm not leaving Maritza.
LARRY
Well, I got news for you, pal. She doesn't want you here, either. Either you leave... or I'll make you.
[From outside the kitchen SAM is walking by and hears a man scream. He runs in to find LARRY dead on the floor with his neck bleeding out into a drain.]
ACT FOUR
[Scene opens with both DEAN and SAM in the room with MARITZA who is still tied to the chair. She is crying.]
MARITZA
I brought Alonso here from Peru to show him a better way, a more civilized way. One where we weren't monsters. That the secret to coexisting with humans was just... eating enough to get by.
SAM
Let me guess. Alonso wasn't a big fan of portion control, was he?
MARITZA
No. During a routine treatment, he almost killed a client. He sucked out too much fat. I demoted him to kitchen duty -- no human contact, just fat from a jar. But he said the more I deprived him, the hungrier he got. [She starts to sob] And now three people are dead. My husband...
SAM
Where's Alonso right now?
MARITZA
The -- the basement? That's -- that's where he spends most of his time now.
SAM
What about her?
DEAN
Well, till we figure out which side she's on, she stays put.
MARITZA
I am on your side.
SAM
Okay. Then how do we kill him?
[SAM and DEAN search the basement in the dark by the light of their flashlights. They silently nod to each other to split up to cover more ground. DEAN finds ALONSO's hideout with all his empty fat jars. SAM runs across the killed CHEF. SAM looks into a wardrobe but it falls from the wall trapping SAM underneath it. ALONSO is on top of it.]
ALONSO
You and stupido have no chance. The fat makes us stronger.
SAM
Your sister didn't mention that when she ratted you out.
ALONSO
You're lying!
[He growls at SAM and leaps at him but SAM manages to roll away.]
SAM
I guess after you killed her husband... you were too monstrous, even for her.
[SAM and ALONSO have a knockout drag down fight in the dark by the light of SAM's flashlight. ALONSO finally gets SAM pinned down with his knees and is about the suck his neck with his Pishtaco tongue when DEAN arrives and slices it off. ALONSO screams and falls dead next to SAM.]
ACT FIVE
[As the Coroner's gurney rolls by, SAM, DEAN, SHERIFF DONNA and an OFFICER stand in the entryway.]
OFFICER [to the brothers]
We'll let you know if we need any other information. Thanks for everything. Appreciate it.
[As the Winchester walk away, SAM sees MARITZA sitting alone in a cove off the hallway. He walks over.]
SAM
Hey.
MARITZA
What did you tell the sheriff?
SAM
The usual -- psycho killer on the loose. They, uh... usually buy it.
MARITZA [quietly]
I lost my whole family today.
SAM
I'm so sorry. I...
[DEAN enters]
DEAN [to SAM]
Can I steal you a sec?
[They walk out in the hallway]
DEAN
Once this place clears out, we're gonna make this a family affair. [nodding in MARITZA's direction]
SAM
Wait, Dean. We're not gonna kill Maritza.
DEAN
She's a monster.
SAM
Yeah, who saved our asses.
DEAN
You said that you wanted to keep things strictly business. Well, last I checked, we were in the business of killing monsters.
SAM
I wanted to keep things strictly business between us. But I still have a heart. What if I had crossed paths with a hunter back when I was possessed by Gadreel? I could've ended up dead, too. Would I have deserved that? Would I have deserved to die?
DEAN [gives up the argument seeing it is a losing battle]
So, one-way ticket to Peru?
[Back at the Bunker, DEAN is sitting in the kitchen drinking scotch by himself. SAM appears in the doorway.]
SAM
I'm hitting it.
DEAN
Yeah. Hey.
SAM
Yeah?
DEAN
About what you said the other day.
SAM [with an "I knew it" face]
I thought it didn't bother you.
DEAN [softly]
You know, Sam, I saved your hide back there. And I saved your hide at that church... And the hospital. I may not think things all the way through. Okay? But what I do, I do because it's the right thing. I'd do it again.
SAM
And that... is the problem. You think you're my savior, my brother, the hero. You swoop in, and even when you mess up, you think what you're doing is worth it because you've convinced yourself you're doing more good than bad... But you're not.
[DEAN's blank eyes stare at him]
I mean, Kevin's dead, Crowley's in the wind. We're no closer to beating this angel thing. Please tell me, what is the upside of me being alive?
DEAN [shocked]
You kidding me? You and me -- fighting the good fight together.
SAM [sighing in frustration almost leaves but then decides to explain. He come into the kitchen and sits down across from DEAN, who draws back unconsciously]
Okay. Just once, be honest with me. You didn't save me for me. You did it for you.
DEAN [totally confused]
What are you talkin' about?
SAM
I was ready to die. I was ready. I should have died, but you... You didn't want to be alone, and that's what all this boils down to. You can't stand the thought of being alone.
DEAN [drawing back and standing up]
All right.
SAM
I'll give you this much. You are certainly willing to do the sacrificing as long as you're not the one being hurt.
DEAN
All right, you want to be honest? If the situation were reversed and I was dying, you'd do the same thing.
SAM [very softly]
No, Dean. I wouldn't.
[He looks up and meets DEAN's shocked eyes.]
Same circumstances...I wouldn't. I'm gonna get to bed.
[SAM leaves and the camera fads to black on DEAN's devastated face.]
END CREDITS
