Ghostfacers Web Series (transcript)
Written by: A.J. Buckley, Patrick J. Doody, Chris Valenziano, Travis Wester
Directed by:
Air Date: 15, 22, 29 April 2010; 6, 13 May 2010| This page is a Stub Basic information has been added as a placeholder. If you're able, please help us by contributing to this page |
EPISODE ONE
TEASER
Blue screen.
Mr. Beacher
Plays Piano
(Part 2!!!!!)
A cat plays a piano. The cat pokes its nose at the camera. Static.
INTRODUCTION
FORMAL LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Someone pets a stuffed dog. It's HARRY SPENGLER, dressed formally and sitting in an armchair.
HARRY
Oh. Hello, cute fuzzy animal watcher.
ED ZEDDMORE is also dressed up and sitting in an armchair, holding a wine glass.
ED
I'm afraid it's time to put the puppies down.
HARRY
Time to quit petting your kittens—
HARRY tosses the stuffed dog away.
HARRY
—and face the preternatural.
ED
Because guess what?
HARRY
You're in our world now.
ED
A world where your worst nightmare gets faced every single night.
HARRY
Or at least every single installment of the next ten episodes!
ED
Welcome to the world of—
ED and HARRY simultaneously take a deep breath and lean forward to look at cameras between their feet. Seen from below, they speak simultaneously.
ED and HARRY
Ghostfacers!
THEME SONG
GHOSTFACERS
A montage of clips from 3.13 Ghostfacers and the Ghostfacers Web Series.
MUSIC
Ghost, ghostfacers
We're facing ghosts where the others will not
Ghost, ghostfacers
Stay in the kitchen when the kitchen gets hot
Ghost, ghostfacers
SPRUCE, ED, HARRY, and MAGGIE pose in front of the Ghostfacers van.
INTERVIEW
EXT. CITY – DAY
HARRY (voiceover)
We're here in LA—
EXT. HOLLYWOOD SIGN – DAY
HARRY (voiceover)
—to—
EXT. VINE STREET – DAY
HARRY (voiceover)
—continue our—
EXT. BUSY STREET – DAY
HARRY (voiceover)
—quest for—
EXT. PARK – DAY
ED and HARRY sit at a picnic table.
HARRY
—the supernatural.
INT. WORKSHOP
HARRY twiddles with a device.
ED (voiceover)
There are—
ED twiddles with a flashlight.
ED (voiceover)
—a lot of imposters out there.
The Ghostfacers' bulletin board.
ED (voiceover)
But, uh, we're the real deal.
EXT. PARK – DAY
ED HARRY
Team Leader Team Co-Leader
ED
You know, we had absolute proof of a ghost haunting until our rivals got the drop on us.
HARRY
Our rivals who happen to be jealous douchenozzles.
A dartboard has photos of SAM and DEAN WINCHESTER (provenance of photos unknown) tacked to it with darts.
DOUCHENOZZLES
ED
But, you know, all's fair in love, war, whatever.
HARRY
We got bucked.
ED
Bucked hard. Mm-hm. We got back on, we let that horse know who's bucking who.
HARRY
We're some pretty badass broncos.
ED looks at HARRY.
ED
No, I—we'd be—we'd be the cowboys.
HARRY frowns. ED illustrates with hand gestures.
ED
Bronco, ride the horse, yeehah.
HARRY
Oh.
A Ghostfacers skull flashes across the screen.
HARRY
So far no luck getting another specter on film. Uh, uh—
ED
We're not worried. 'Cause if it's out there, we're gonna find it. We're coming for ya.
HARRY
If you're dead, you'd better stay dead.
ED
Yup.
HARRY
'Cause if not, we're gonna kill you.
MEET THE TEAM
MEET
THE
TEAM
INT. MAGGIE'S WORKBENCH – NIGHT
SPRUCE holds a camera on MAGGIE.
MAGGIE
Hey Spruce, did you see this? It just came in yesterday.
MAGGIE as seen through SPRUCE's camera. She indicates another camera on her workbench.
MAGGIE
Tech Ops
MAGGIE
It's a camera with a thermal imaging mode.
SPRUCE as seen through MAGGIE's camera. SPRUCE lowers the camera he's holding.
SPRUCE
Camera/Shamanologist
SPRUCE leans in to MAGGIE's camera. The scene goes false color, SPRUCE in reds, golds, and browns and the background in blues and blacks.
SPRUCE
Holla.
INT. WORKSHOP
A YOUNG MAN, DAVE, sits to be interviewed.
MAGGIE (voiceover)
So, Dave, why do you want to be a Ghostfacer?
DAVE
New Intern
DAVE
I don't know where to start. I studied mysticism for four years at UC Berkeley and I heard about Ed and Harry there.
EXT. PARK – DAY
ED
Yeah, uh, Dave, Dave, Dave. Good intern, uh, knows his equipment, runs a mean cable—
HARRY
Knows his Trek.
HARRY drinks from his coffee mug.
ED
Yeah. He's no Corbett.
HARRY
He's alive.
ED looks down, then gets up.
ED
Coffee break.
ED leaves
ED
I just, uh, I need a moment.
HARRY
Corbett was our last intern. He died in the line of duty.
INT. WORKSHOP – NIGHT
ED stands at a shrine to CORBETT, looking at CORBETT's picture.
HARRY (voiceover)
I think Ed blames himself for his death, so—
EXT. PARK – DAY
HARRY
He's been practicing his ghost martial arts a lot.
INT. WORKSHOP – DAY
ED works with nunchucks. HARRY watches him while twiddling with a device. MAGGIE sits next to HARRY, typing on a laptop. A camera at the ceiling of the room shows SPRUCE sitting at the table across from HARRY and MAGGIE, filming ED with the nunchucks.
GHOSTFACERS HQ
11:30 A.M.
MAGGIE
Hey guys. Just got a hit on the Ghostfacers website.
SPRUCE swings the camera around to MAGGIE.
MAGGIE
Five separate confirmed ghost sightings—
DAVE brings a tray of coffee cups to the table and starts passing them out.
MAGGIE
—at a rundown theater in Hollywood called the Grand Showcase.
The camera swings to ED.
ED
Confirmed?
MAGGIE
Yeah. Three people have been physically attacked.
ED
Thank you, adopted sister, sounds like we've got our next mission.
MAGGIE shrugs.
ED
That means full investigation deployment, all right?
ED has turned away from the others and moves toward the bulletin board, ignoring DAVE, who follows him holding out a cup of coffee.
ED
I want a map of the area right around here—
A knock.
WOMAN
Hi.
A BLONDE WOMAN has just entered the workshop.
WOMAN
Excuse me.
SPRUCE zooms in on the WOMAN's cleavage. ED and HARRY gawk at her.
WOMAN
I saw the ad. Is the intern position still open?
SPRUCE notices her legs. The WOMAN notices the camera.
WOMAN
Oh, my god, camera.
She faces the camera and smiles, playing with her hair.
WOMAN
Hi.
ED
What's your name?
WOMAN
Oh, Amber, with a Y.
HARRY
You're hired.
AMBYR gasps, smiling.
AMBYR
Really?
ED keeps staring.
ED
Dave?
HARRY
You're fired.
ED takes the coffee cup from DAVE.
EXT. GHOSTFACERS VAN – DAY
SPRUCE, AMBYR, ED, HARRY, and MAGGIE pose in front of the Ghostfacers van.
MUSIC
Ghost, ghostfacers
EPISODE TWO
MISSION BRIEFING
EXT. GARAGE – DAY
GHOSTFACERS H.Q.
MISSION BRIEFING
4:15 P.M.
ED (voiceover)
All right, Facers.
INT. WORKSHOP – DAY
SPRUCE, camera in hand, sits on one side of the table with HARRY, opposite MAGGIE and AMBYR. ED stands, addressing the group.
ED
View the case. The Grand Showcase Theater.
Black-and-white picture of the rundown theater.
ED
Built in 1939. Home to numerous ghost sightings and attacks. Maggie, got some info for us?
MAGGIE
Yeah. Um. Janet Myers.
MAGGIE holds up a black-and-white photo of JANET.
MAGGIE
She was an aspiring actress. She was attending a swanky party at the theater when her ex-husband just followed her into a dressing room and killed her.
HARRY
Carved her face up with a razor.
Black-and-white photos of JANET, her face sliced up, and of the bloody razor.
HARRY
Made her watch the whole thing.
SPRUCE
Crime of passion.
HARRY
Mm-hm. Repeated spectral violence eventually shut the place down.
ED
Let's take a look.
AMBYR
Wait. But what if it's haunted?
HARRY and ED look at each other.
INTERVIEWS
INT. MAGGIE'S WORKBENCH
MAGGIE
Tech Ops
MAGGIE takes a deep breath and blows it out.
MAGGIE
Ambyr.
MAGGIE laughs nervously.
INT. WORKSHOP
MAGGIE tries to show AMBYR what to do with a video camera.
MAGGIE (voiceover)
Ambyr is, um, sweet. The guys seem to really like her.
INT. WORKSHOP
ED and HARRY hold a fan and a light. Music plays.
ED
Really good intern!
HARRY
Great intern!
AMBYR does a stripper-like dance in the breeze. MAGGIE comes in.
MAGGIE
Hey—
MAGGIE stops dead. ED and HARRY lower the fan and light. MAGGIE spreads her hands and puts one on her hip, exasperated.
MAGGIE
Oh.
INT. MAGGIE'S WORKBENCH
MAGGIE
Me and Harry? Well, we're, uh, no, noth–ab—
MAGGIE giggles. Cut to when she has control of herself.
MAGGIE
There, there was something that happened during our last mission.
EXT. PARK – DAY
HARRY
Team Co-Leader
HARRY
I like Maggie. I do. But she's my best friend's sister. Adopted.
Oh.
INT. MAGGIE'S WORKBENCH
MAGGIE
And, you know, he is my brother's best friend, so that's bad for the team.
EXT. PARK – DAY
HARRY
We felt for the good of the team that it was just better this way.
He brings his hands apart to illustrate.
HARRY
Why? What'd she say?
Oh.
INT. MAGGIE'S WORKBENCH
MAGGIE
Why? What'd he say?
EXT. PARK – DAY
HARRY
That what she said?
MISSION PREP
INT. WORKSHOP – DAY
ED
All right, team, we got two hours to sundown. I want all gear and personnel ready to deploy by seventeen hundred. Let's move out.
A closeup of the photo of CORBETT.
HARRY (voiceover)
Mission log, seven oh three dash eight.
HARRY taps CORBETT's photo frame, then thumps his heart.
HARRY (voiceover)
As the Ghostfacers prepare to reenter—
MAGGIE touches the frame.
HARRY (voiceover)
—the darkness—
AMBYR looks at the photo and plays with her hair.
HARRY (voiceover)
—we pay homage to a teammate who has crossed into the light.
ED salutes the photo.
HARRY (voiceover)
Alan J. Corbett. We will never forget.
INT. WORKSHOP – DAY
Faster-than-realtime of the Ghostfacers assembling their gear. HARRY zips his vest. ED cinches his belt. AMBYR shines a flashlight in her eyes. HARRY winks at the camera. ED nods at the camera. ED hands a device to AMBYR.
MISSION DEPARTURE
EXT. GARAGE – DAY
The garage door opens; the workshop is inside. AMBYR, ED, HARRY, MAGGIE, and SPRUCE, geared up and ready to go, pose inside the door. They walk out in fake slow-mo. HARRY starts loading up the Ghostfacers van. He closes the back and goes around to the driver's door. ED, at the shotgun door, goes around to the front.
ED
Are you kidding me?
AMBYR
What?
ED takes an envelope off the windshield.
ED
Harry, you park here? Daylight parking is a fifty-dollar ticket!
ED indicates a nearby street sign with parking times listed.
HARRY
Wasn't me.
ED
Who parked here?
AMBYR
Um. Ah.
AMBYR looks awkward. Freeze frame.
GHOSTFACERS
MUSIC
Ghostfacers
