Lost Year

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Lost Year


I did as you told me
I found myself a lady
I sat at her table
I ate what she gave me


I had a backyard
and each day I went to work
and I came home
to wooden floors
and matching bowls


I was careful with the bottle
and the gun beneath my pillow
and I lay beside my woman
in the light of open windows


in the light of a newborn sky
in the life I agreed to find


in the night
I rose


In the dark
I walked


My feet were bare
My heart was locked


In the car in the garage
Where I didn’t try to leave
Where I sat behind the wheel
And I didn’t turn the key


and I let you be gone
I tried let you be gone
From me.


Well, I sometimes woke up violent
When I couldn’t stop from dreaming
And I sometimes scared my woman
so she didn’t want to touch me


In the mirror I was searching
for a scar where you had hit me
for a mark upon my body
to remind me that you'd loved me


once, in a lost history
before I was healed-up clean


but in the night
I rose


In the dark
I slipped


From my lady’s bed
With my heart still clipped


To the car in the garage
Where I didn’t try to leave
Where I sat behind the wheel
And I didn’t turn the key


And I let you be gone
I tried to let you be gone
From me.


– Olivia Chrestomanci, esbeani@lj

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